Ignoring the warning bells in my head screaming that he might be a decade too late on that assessment, I bark out a sarcastic laugh.
“Listen to me, Rye Bread. You might as well start thinking of me as a vertical drop off the side of a mountain. Stay in the air, buddy, because this? This,” I motion to the space between us. “Is a no fall zone.”
13
WE'RE JUST WARMING UP, LOVER BOY
RYDER
Ryder
My dearest, darlingest wife-sicle. It snowed last night so I left early this morning to get in a run before training. I would’ve woken you, I know you love fresh powder. But I’m assuming you were serious when you told me not to cross the threshold of your bedroom, lest I be fed my own sliced-off testicles. So, I’ll see you later at the gym.
Btw, yousnore. Loudly.
Mabel
I do not snore. YOU snore. You’re just hearing your own nose honks reverberating in your thick skull. I’m adding to the list of rules for this marriage.
One: don’t call me wife. It’s discustingified.
Two: Always wake me for fresh powder. I might just feed you your balls anyway for leaving me here.
Ryder
*heart eyes* Discustingified? Wife—I mean, Pretty Marshmallow, who I am legally bound to for the foreseeable future, are you talking Wicked to me? I am obsessulated. We should totally do a double feature for one of our date nights.
Mabel
Oh no. You can’t take Wicked from me. You’ve got the snowboarding and the red highlights in your hair and my ring on your finger. You can’t have Wicked, too.
Ryder
Our parents took us to the show in New York together, Marshmallow. You know I’m an Ozian, just like you.
Mabel
Absolutely not. Do not call yourself that. If anything, you’re a Shiz-head.
Ryder
Mabel. Come with me. Think of what we could do together…
Mabel
Loathing. Unadulterated loathing.
Ryder
Because I knew you, I have been changed for good.
Mabel
Balls. Down your throat. Kill.
Actually, worse. I’m going to tell Trina you were on the mountain. Let her kill you for risking injury so close to the games.
Ryder
