I closed my eyes, taking a moment to release the shame bubbling up inside of me.
“One, I don’t want to die. Two, drinking won’t change the past. Three, I’m an asshole when I drink. Four, I want to be trustworthy. Five, I want to have meaningful relationships. Six, I want to be happy. Seven, I don’t want to throw away my career. Eight, I don’t want to let my family down.”
There was a beat of silence, and I blew out another deep breath, wiping my nose on my sleeve.
“Fuck, man.”
“I know,” he said with sympathy. “I know. You made it through yesterday and you’ll make it through today. One minute at a time until today is done.”
My head tipped up at the sound of a vehicle approaching and I used my car door to pull myself to stand. I dusted off my jeans. Rick gave me a head nod as he parked beside me. He climbed down from his pickup and immediately pulled me into a hug.
I fought like hell to keep the tears from returning as I allowed him to give me a moment of comfort.
Rick pulled away, his hand resting on my shoulder as he stared into my eyes. I wondered for a moment where he had been, what I’d interrupted by calling him. He was dressed casually, a pair of boardshorts and an American flag t-shirt. He smelled like a campfire, and I assumed he must have been at some Fourth of July celebration. I felt guilty for pulling him away from his family and the shame had me clearing my throat.
“There’s a meeting in thirty minutes. Let’s get a soda and we can talk or keep you distracted until then, alright?”
I nodded and he patted me on the shoulder. He motioned for me to get into his truck, so I grabbed my keys from my car and locked up. I climbed into the passenger seat, immediately noticing the strong smell of his car air freshener.
“There’s a McDonald’s right around the corner.”
I nodded, leaning my arm against the door as I rubbed my temples.Fuck, Jae was right. How the hell am I going to face him tonight?
“Hey!” Rick startled me from my thoughts. “Don’t get stuck in your head. What are you thinking about?”
I cracked my knuckles anxiously, trying to distract myself. I kept my attention on the road as I spoke. “Thinking about how Jae was right to be worried about me. I feel like I failed. And I’m embarrassed.”
“Even Jesus was tempted. But guess what?”
I looked over at Rick with a shrug. “What?”
“He didn’t give in. And neither did you. Being tempted doesn’t mean you failed. It means you're human.”
I rubbed my face with a sigh. “It still feels shitty.”
“Yeah. It does,” he agreed with a nod. “But let’s try and focus on something good. What’s one good thing that happened today?”
Rick pulled into the drive-thru of the McDonald’s and before I had a chance to respond he asked me what I wanted.
“Just a Sprite. Thanks.”
He nodded and then motioned for me to speak.
“Church was good.”
“Yeah. Anything else good today?”
I closed my eyes, trying to block out the storm raging in my head. All the guilt, all the hurt, all the sick feelings of regret and sympathy. No, sympathy didn’t even begin to cover how I felt for Shiloh. My heart was breaking for her.
Rick patted my hand comfortingly as he rolled his window down. He ordered two sodas and a large fry and pulled through to the window to pay. He didn’t speak again until we had our drinks and were parked in the lot of where the meeting was being held. It was the same place I’d been to last week.
“So, you wanna talk about what had you reaching for a drink?”
I shook my head. There was no way to talk to him about it without revealing any of Shiloh’s secrets.
“Then tell me about the bathroom. You said that’s your latest project, right?”
“Yeah, yeah. I gutted it last week and Ford is coming over tomorrow to help me put in the new fixtures.”
