“Fuck it,” he muttered under his breath before raising his eyes to mine. “I love you.”
What did he just say?I stared into his brown eyes in shock.No. He didn’t. He can’t.
Jae sighed. “I love you guys, too.”
A moment of silence passed before Jae popped his head up. “Hello? It’s your turn.”
My brows bunched and I stared.I must be dreaming. Maybe I’m going into shock. A hallucination?
“What the fuck is going on right now,” I panted out.Fuck. Calm down. Breathe. Breathe, dammit. You will not cry. You don’t deserve to cry.
“I love you guys, too,” Jae squealed in a voice that was probably meant to be mine.
“No, you’re supposed to tell me to leave. Not tell me youloveme. What thefuck? Where’s all that fucking vitriol you’ve been spewing? I fucked up your lives, remember?”
Jae cringed and I could see the apology about to spill from his tongue.
“Don’t. Don’t fucking apologize again.”
Jae’s face was full of pity and my chest caved.
“How can you love—” my voice cracked around the lump in my throat. “I’m toxic. You were right, Jae. You guys know the truth and-and you’re risking your own safety for no reason.”
“Shiloh, you are not toxic,” he glared at Jae before returning his soft eyes to mine. “You are not responsible for anythingthat happened after you left. Those were my decisions, my immaturity, my inability to ask for help. None of that is on you.”
“He’s right. I know I fucked up with how I’ve treated you recently, but I do love you. Platonically, of course,” he said with a glance at Enoch. “No offense.”
“No, you don’t. You can’t love this version of me.”
“Yes,” Enoch said. “We do. This version of you is just as loyal, strong, loving, frustratingly self-sacrificing, intelligent, resilient—”
I slapped my hand over his mouth to shut him up. He chuckled kissing my palm and I pulled my hand back, staring in silence, trying to wrap my brain around the fact that these two people cared enough about me to love me.Stilllove me, even afterknowing some of the darkest parts of me.
“Ice cream?”
I blinked at the rapid change in topic. My heart still pounding in my ears.
Enoch gently shoved Jae so he fell back onto his butt.
“What?” Jae laughed weakly. “We need some sugar to cope.”
Jae hopped up, some renewed sense of energy or something, or maybe he was forcing it to try and break the awkward tension.
Enoch rose to his feet and pulled me to stand as well.His arms encircled my waist, and he leaned his forehead against my own.
“Even when you don’t love yourself. Even when you don’t believe it. I still love you.”
He squeezed me tighter to his chest and I bit down on my lip, closing my eyes in an attempt to prevent any tears from forming.I took a deep breath of his scent. And another. And another. Until my lips were no longer tingly, until the lump in my throat subsided.
I blamed it on the shock, on the prayer that this was a dream, that I’d wake up soon, when I finally gave in. I wrapped my arms around his back, my fists clinging to his shirt. Like if I held on tight enough this moment would never slip away. I could live with his words on a loop in my head forever.
I still love you.
I still love you.
I still love you.
Fourteen
