“I’ll be there soon. I’ve got my keys and my wallet and I’m walking into the garage now. I’ll pack you a bag when I get there.” I heard a car door slam shut and the start of her engine. “Just ten minutes. It’ll go quick. Did I tell you that my parents bought a new boat? Well, new to them, it’s like a decade old. It’s seriously all they can talk about. But I guess that’s what happens when you’re empty nesters and have retirement money to spend…”
I listened to the lull of her voice as she told me about her parents’ new boat and how she wanted to take us all out soon for a day of fun in the sun.
And I was maybe a little relieved I wasn’t pulling the trigger tonight. I didn’t want to hurt any more people. I’d caused enough pain. And leaving the people that cared about me with a suicide voicemail didn’t turn out well the first time around.
Lottie didn’t ask questions as she packed some clean clothes from my closet into a gym bag, or as she drove us to her house. I stepped out of the car, holding my bag against my chest, and frowned at the sight of the extra car in the driveway.
I looked over at Lottie, and she winced. “Sorry, I called for reinforcements.”
I closed my eyes to roll them before forcing a smile. “Thanks.”
I followed her into the house and dropped my bag at the kitchen island where Hannah was standing, elbows holding her weight as she leaned against the counter. Her dirty blonde hair was pulled into a messy bun on top of her head. She was wearinga pair of sweats and a graphic tee that read “Save a horse, Ride a cowboy”. The corners of my mouth twitched with a smile.
“Hey, Em,” Hannah said with a brighter than usual smile. She must have been trying to compensate for the lack of one on my face. “I hear we’re having a spa night. I brought my supplies.”
My eyes tracked her movement and landed on the stack of detangling sprays, oils, conditioners, towels, and several combs and brushes. My head already hurt just thinking about all the pulling and yanking but I smiled gratefully at her.
“Thank you. I know it takes a lot of patience to not just cut it off.”
Lottie looped her arm around my waist, her head landing on my shoulder. “Never. We know you don’t like to cut your hair.”
I recalled the first time this happened, and Lottie had found me at work trying to brush out the matting. She had suggested I cut my hair to make it more manageable, but I’d adamantly refused. She got the point and didn’t bring it up again when six months later the same thing happened. Tonight, I guessed she had enlisted Hannah for help.
I hated that I was relying on them, that I couldn’t just deal with things myself. Everything was easier when I could keep them far enough away that they didn’t see the parts of me that I was ashamed of. Unfortunately, Hannah and Lottie didn’t back down when they thought I was isolating myself. They called it the sisterhood bond, the pull of intuition that knew when I needed company.
“What should we watch while we work?” Hannah asked, straightening up and collecting the supplies in her arms.
“You pick,” I said, reaching out to catch the bottle of conditioner that was dangling from the crook of her arm.
Lottie lifted her head from my shoulder and gently led us to the couch in the living room. She pushed me to sit on the floor while she and Hannah took a seat behind me on the couch.Lottie gently tugged the hair tie out of my ponytail while Hannah found something to watch.
I sighed as she used her fingers to part my hair into sections, securing the strands that weren’t tangled out of the way. A towel was draped over my shoulders.
“I think we should put the conditioner in and let it sit for, like, thirty minutes, and then we can get to work. Yeah?” Hannah suggested.
I nodded and let them both work on drowning my hair in product.
Hannah had selected an old romantic comedy, and I lost track of time as they laughed and squealed over the acting. Their patient hands worked on my hair for the entire duration of the movie and by the time Lottie said they were done, my scalp burned and head ached.
“We can wash your hair out in the tub,” Han said as she gathered all the supplies off of the couch.
I nodded absently, my stomach clenching. I followed her into Lottie’s bedroom where Mason was sprawled out on the bed, watching something on their tv.
“Oh, hey. You guys need me to leave?”
I ignored Mason’s stare, knowing he was taking in the sight of my greasy strands.
“No, just stay out of the bathroom,” Hannah replied.
He nodded, settling back against the pillows and Han flicked on the bathroom light. Lottie’s bathroom had a separate tub that was surrounded by candles and various soaps.
I reminded myself that the bathtub wasn’t inherently dangerous. I tried to get my heart to stop racing, get my muscles to relax, but the fear remained as Lottie moved her vanity stool in front of the tub and motioned for me to sit and lean back over the edge.
After a moment of hesitation, I forced my legs to move and follow her instructions. The sound of the water turning on had me digging my nails into my palms. I tried to release a subtle deep breath from my constricted chest. The last thing I needed was to enter panic attack territory. I was enough of a mess.
Hannah leaned over my body, her light floral perfume wrapping around me and I focused on the scent as she poured a cup of warm water over my hair.
“Warm enough?” she asked, her eyes scanning my face.
