Theo knelt beside the tub, filling my field of vision with that look, the one where he was studying every centimeter of my body, like he could see straight through my soul and was memorizing it.
Why was this world so cruel? Why did the ounce of happiness, the flicker of a peaceful future with Enoch act like a beacon for every wrong thing to tarnish me?
I fought the overwhelming urge to cry, a sob building in my chest that made it even more impossible to breathe.
God, please, please, keep my family safe. Protect them.
My breath slowed, my mind started to grow sluggish, hyper focused on the fact that I was freezing and could hardly breath.
“Let the Holy Spirit enter and purge you of this wickedness,” Theo commanded.
His hand cradled the back of my neck, and I dragged in a sharp breath, preparing my body to be without oxygen.
“Come out unclean spirit, in the name of the Father, I cast you out.”
The water flooded my ears, and I was suddenly underwater. My muscles twitched, adrenaline kicking in that I had to fight against, forcing my body to relax and stay under.
If I obeyed, the quicker it would end. I knew what happened when I tried to leave the water too soon, when I fought against Theo’s hands holding me in the water—I wouldn’t survive this.
The water sloshed, my heart pounding, and I wished it would block out the sound of his voice completely, but I could still hear him. I knew the words by heart after all.
“—baptized into the possession of God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit.”
My body shivered, and it took all my effort to keep my jaw locked shut.
“—surrender to the authority of Jesus Christ, to have your sins washed away, to be given a clear conscience.”
My head reared involuntarily, but the weight on my chest kept me submerged. My mind was already screaming at me for air as my mouth opened. I tried to relock my jaw, but the water had already flooded my mouth.
“—raised to walk…” It burned, the water in my lungs, it burned like fire, and I thrashed, desperate for air. “Receive the gift of the Holy Spirit and be cleansed by the waters and His Word. You are born again.”
Water poured down my face as I was lifted upright, my lungs working to expand, to fill with oxygen only to cough, gag,choke on the water leaving my mouth. I continued to cough, until I’d vomited up the water I’d swallowed.
His voice hushed, hands pulling me from the water and wrapping me in a towel. My body ached, lungs on fire as I sucked in the cold air, shivering uncontrollably.
My eyes stung with tears that I had fought so hard to keep at bay.
No. No. No. I need to see. I need to get to my gun.
Theo was drying me off, my body swaying with how harshly I was shivering.
“Let’s get home, my love.”
My vision blurred, my pulse pounding in my ears. I drew in air, but I wasn’t breathing. My lips were numb, and I relented, releasing the sob, as Theo kissed my puffy eyes.
“It’s okay. It’s okay,” he soothed, pulling a shirt over my head. “You’re forgiven. You’re clean.”
An inky darkness tugged at my conscious mind as I stumbled into the sharp corner of my bathroom counter.
I wheezed, clutching my chest. They had sucked all the air from the room. I couldn’t fucking breathe. Panic coursed through my veins as I realized that I wasn’t going to be able to fight this. As I realized I was going to lose Enoch,again.
My eyes rolled back into my skull and arms caught me as the darkness pulled me under.
Forty-One
August 15, Saturday
Enoch
