“Oh shit,” Esty hissed, wide-eyed as she turned to stare at me. “It’s not what it looks like. I swear. I wasn’t snooping. I was watching Benji. He was just supposed to be napping in here, but I guess he woke up and then got into,” she looked around her, “well, everything. I’m putting it all back.”
I ran a hand roughly through my hair.
“It’s fine,” I grumbled, unbuttoning my uniform coat.
Maybe if I changed my clothes, it would give me enough time to calm down. Give me time to get my head on straight. To stop thinking about how badly I wanted to go back out there, to just drink a beer like the rest of my family. Jae wouldn’t even have to know. I could finish it before he came home. The rest of my family would be none the wiser.
“Is there a reason you keep this many menstrual products under your bathroom sink,” she called out.
I froze, heart pounding.
“Are you dating someone?” she asked with a hint of amusement, or maybe it was excitement, completely unaware of the fact that her question had just shoved me closer to the edge.
The one I’d stepped onto the moment I saw the beer in my dad’s hand, and the one I was teetering on after having the beer in my own hands, the smell, the taste still lingering in my mouth like I’d actually taken a sip.
My brows bunched.Shit. I hadn’t taken a sip, had I? Why the hell did my mouth taste like I had?
Sweat poured out of me and my stomach clenched.
Fuck, I’m fucking everything up.
“Hello? Nox? You don’t gotta lie. It was pretty obvious. I mean, Eden said she found a scrunchie and two toothbrushes in here. Last time I checked, you don’t have enough hair to need a scrunchie.”
I flinched.Why didn’t I think about that? Why didn’t I fucking think about all the little things Shiloh might have left behind when she went back to her place.
What the hell was I thinking? I should never have allowed them to come stay here. I should’ve made them get a hotel. I should’ve…
“Earth to Enoch,” Esty sing-songed.
“Get out,” I said, looking up to meet her shocked gaze.
“What?”
“Get the fuck out of my room.”
Esther’s jaw dropped but she didn’t move. I was a ticking time bomb, any second now I was going to explode. I clenched my jaw.
Anger was easier to feel than the guilt, so I held onto it. Didn’t matter that I was really angry at myself, everyone around me was a target, in the blast radius. I couldn’t stop it now.
“What’s your problem?” she asked, her tone not unlike the one I remembered from when we were children—annoyance and a hint of arrogance, like she had the right to know every little thing about me.
“Did mom not teach you the fucking definition of privacy?”
I spun on my heel, grabbed a duffle bag from the top shelf of my closet and began stuffing it with a change of clothes. I moved to my dresser, shoving in some underwear, socks and pajamas. I ignored Esther as she gaped at me, stepping around all the shit on the ground to grab my toothbrush from the cup inside the bathroom cabinet.
I needed to get out. Needed to leave before Jae came home. Before I had to deal with the confrontation I knew would occur once Jae saw the beer, once they responded to his questions, once he knew that I had accepted one.
It didn’t matter that I hadn’t drank any of it, I’d crossed a line I promised myself I’d never even get to. It was one thing tothink about it, crave it, daydream about a world in which I could enjoy alcohol without it ruining my life, but to actually accept it, hold it in my hands, nearly bring the bottle to my mouth…I’d fucked up.
“Nox, I’m sorry,” she whispered.
I kept my mouth shut, knowing full well if I opened it again nothing good was going to leave it.
Just get out, Enoch. Leave before you do something else stupid.
She tried to reach for my hand, but I was already moving, taking long strides to make it to the front door. I ignored Baba who was asking me where I was going as I bounded down the stairs and slipped into my unlaced boots.
I ignored my mom, my sister, my niece, and my aunt as they walked up the driveway.
