But that wasn’t fucking possible.
Listen to her, Enoch! She’s dead. She’s gone. She left you this voicemail and that’s all that’s left of her now, dammit.
I choked on a sob, letting the sound of Shiloh’s voice fill my bedroom.
“But most of all…I hope that one day you’ll forgive me.Please. I’ll miss you. So much.”
Fuck, I miss you too. I forgive you. I do. I really do.
But fuck, this never-ending nightmare is torture.
I was scared to close my eyes, scared that if I did, I’d forget how it felt to hold Shiloh in my arms today. I knew it wasn’t reality. In what fucking reality was my dead girlfriend alive and living in the same city as me?
But if it wasn’t real, and I wasn’t dreaming, then what the fuck was wrong with me? Ford and Graham both told me that I wasn’t hallucinating. When I begged them to tell me whether or not she had been a figment of my imagination they had both attested that she was in fact real. So…a doppelganger? Insanity?
My phone buzzed again, vibrating the bed beside my head where my phone was lying, but I ignored it like I had been doing since Graham and Ford dropped me off at home.
I heard the faint sound of the garage rumbling open downstairs.
Jae. I didn’t want him to see me like this. Not again.
Yet I didn’t move. Just continued to stare at the wall.
Would I be able to confess what had happened? That I, once again, was falling apart and needed help?
I heard the garage entrance open and slam shut.
“Nox?!” Jae shouted from downstairs. “You home?!”
Tick. Tick. Tick.
Fuck, I just needed to move. I needed to get up, pull my shit together before I disappointed him.
Tick. Tick. Tick.
No. Dammit. No. I missed my favorite part.
I tapped the screen, scrubbing backwards to the exact minute mark that I knew she would say it. I was embarrassed to admit to anyone that I had listened to that voicemail more times than would ever be considered healthy.
“I know that everything I’m feeling means that I love you and I’m so lucky that you were my first and only.”
My chest, there was a fucking iron plate on it.
“Nox?” His voice was louder now. He was somewhere upstairs. “Where the hell is he?”
I scrubbed backwards, a little farther to hear her say it again.
“I know we only spent a few months together, but I want you to know that I love you. And not just how I love you and—”
“Nox?”
My bedroom door was open, and I could just make out the shape of his body in my peripheral. I tried my best to ignore him, zeroing in on the sound of Shiloh’s voice.
“—never loved anyone before, but I know that everything I’m feeling means that I love you—”
The light to my room flicked on. “N—Oh! Jesus, you scared the shit out of me,” he huffed with a laugh. “What are you—Nox? Are you on the phone?”
A tear tracked down my nose, to the already damp spot on my bedding.
