“What are you doing?” I asked with raised brow.
“Getting comfy,” he shrugged, taking off his uniform coat. He sat down on the edge of my bed to take off his work boots, which in our enthusiastic greeting he’d not removed at the door.
“You’re not going home right now?”
He froze, tilting his head to look up at me.
“Not unless you want me to leave.”
“You’d not rather be spending time with your family?”
Enoch pursed his lips, turning his attention back to his feet as he pulled his boots off. “Not really.”
“Why not?”
He sighed, leaning back on his palms. “I haven’t seen them in four years.”
“What?” I shook my head with confusion. “Didn’t you say your sister helped you decorate the house?”
“Yeah, she just ordered a bunch of stuff, you know, made a Pinterest board with inspiration and stuff…I’ve not seen them except for the occasional FaceTime call on birthdays and holidays.”
I frowned, taking a seat on the edge of the bed.
“So, you’re not close with them?”
Enoch shook his head with a sadness in his eyes that had me crawling across the bed to straddle his lap.
“So…it’s not because of me?”
Enoch used his hand to brush through my damp hair, pulling it behind my head, trailing his hand down my back.
“No, baby. I pretty much went no-contact when I left for basic. And the deeper I got into my addiction, the further I pushed them away. That was all me.”
My shoulders dropped. “I’m not in any place to judge here, considering how many fucking secrets I’m keeping, but…why haven’t you reached out since getting sober?”
Enoch sighed, his fingers drawing circles against the skin on my back. The silence dragged on, and I pulled at the chain ofhis necklace, lifting it from beneath his undershirt and fidgeting with the simple gold cross.
“I’m scared,” he finally whispered.
I nodded, glancing at his face to see that he was staring blankly at my tattoos.
“What are you afraid of?”
“Disappointing them. Hurting them. Making them worry.”
It seemed I wasn’t alone in my fears.
“It’s just been so long, it’s easier to keep things the way they are. To keep them at arm’s length. If they don’t know about my life, then they can’t be disappointed. And then…I might be using you as an excuse. It’s easier to lie if I just keep everything inside. Why spill one secret when I can just keep them all to myself, you know? And if we don’t get close then I never have to worry about how that might impact us.” Enoch met my gaze with soft eyes. “Our future.”
I licked my lips, nodding as I digested everything he said.
“I wish you weren’t in this position.”
His hands dug into my hips as he dipped his chin to level me with a serious expression.
“I’m not saying this to make you feel guilty. This is my choice, I could tell them about my alcohol addiction, but I haven’t.”
I bit into my bottom lip, the guilt not magically disappearing just because he told it to. If I wasn’t in the picture, he wouldn’t have an excuse to stay away from his family. He’d be enjoying their time, he’d have them to support him, he’d be happier.
