I scoffed.
If Javi was so damn important to Carlos, why the fuck weren’t we bathing in luxury here? Where was all the cash he should have been earning doing so much work for Carlos?
The fucker could’ve moved us out to a nicer place a long-ass time ago if he wasn’t so goddamn set on taking care of our dad.Fucking waste of oxygen. I hated our dad, but Javier knew him before he was an addict and clearly had daddy issues. I had suggested multiple times that we get our own place. Maybe then Javier wouldn’t have to worry so damn much about my safety because there wouldn’t be tweaked-out fuckers in the house trying to cop a feel. But Javier always shot down the idea, claiming CPS bullshit about me getting taken away and them getting deported.
I sighed in frustration, rolling over to try and get comfortable.
Mexico could have my dad back. I’d send ICE a fucking thank-you note.
Two
September 30, Thursday
Shiloh
Iwas woken up by the familiar sound of dogs barking and the neighbors fighting. It took several moments of staring at the white numbers on my alarm clock before they came into focus telling me that it was just after one in the morning. I looked across the dark room to the empty mattress and frowned in annoyance that Javier wasn’t home.
Thinking back on the argument, I wondered what it was like to be in his shoes: twenty-one, high school dropout, drug dealer and apparently an important member in a large criminal organization. I sometimes wished he’d left before he was beat-in, wished he had gotten out of here and started over. I most of all wished he was happy, not stuck here protecting me, supporting our sperm donor and working for a gang—or alleged empire, whatever the fuck that meant.
Javi always said that I was the smart one, I was the one that was going to get out of here, go to college and live my own life. And now that my eighteenth birthday was only seven months away, the idea of going to college was going to become reality if Javier actually found a way to help me get the money to attend. I trusted him completely, and when he said he had it covered I knew I should have believed him, even if the idea of going away to school was unrealistic.
I’d never admit it out loud, but I was scared shitless. I didn’t know if I could make it out there without Javier. I didn’t know if Iwantedto. I had tried so many times to convince him that he should come with me, that there was nothing good here for him, but, apparently, we would both be killed if he did leave.
It wasn’t fair that he was out there risking his life selling drugs, and God-knows-what-else they made him do, while I was going to graduate high school and maybe get out of this hellhole. Maybe I should have just been happy that if I got out and he stayed behind at least he’d still be alive and for the first time he wouldn’t have the responsibility of raising me.
I heard a car door slam, followed by gravel crunching outside my window and wondered if Javi was home early, only there were two sets of footsteps.
Their voices were muffled until they entered the house, and I strained my ears to decipher who he was with.
“Pinche putas,” My dad’s voice bellowed loudly and slightly slurred.
Laughter filled the air and the hair on the back of my neck prickled with recognition.
“Ready to put out but always playing games. Shit,” Kush scoffed.
My dad laughed.
There was a moment of shuffling and some silence before one of them sighed loudly.
“That shit is good.” Of course, he only came because my dad promised him some of his stash. “Like too good. How the fuck did your cheap ass cop that?” Kush asked in a hazy tone.
“Mi hijo es leal.”
Fucking Javier. This is how he spends his fucking money?
That motherfucker promised he’d stop supplying Dad. We almost got evicted a few months back because Dad had been stealing the rent money Javi gave him to go on weekend benders with Kush and Mickey. Thankfully Javi sorted it with the landlord, but we lived off instant noodles for breakfast and dinner for so long I couldn’t even look at a package without wanting to throw up.
“Speaking of kids,” Kush said, his voice getting louder as I heard him walking down the hall. “Oh, güera,” he sang. “What are you up to in there?”
He tapped the door and rattled the handle a few times before sighing. “Don’t be like that. Come out and have some fun. There’s enough for you if you wanna hit,” he crooned as if he could persuade me.
“Fuck off, Kush!” I shouted, throwing my pillow at the door where it hit with a soft thud.
Fucking cumwipe.
He chuckled and his footsteps retreated to the living room. I swiped my pillow from the floor, trying to find a comfortable position on my bed. The muffled voices of their meaningless conversation drifted from the living room. They were both pretty upset about something that happened at Velvet Room, Los Siete’s gentlemen’s club in Austin. Annoyed that they were interrupting my sleep, I stared at my door until it was silent again and they presumably crashed.
To settle the chilling fear in the back of my mind that told me there was a chance they could get in, I double checked the deadbolt and tried to open our window that had been nailed shutyears ago. I anxiously kept watch of the time as it rolled around to three, and then four in the morning.
