“Twelve times. I broke your fingers. Twelve. Fucking. Times. Twelve times before you finally managed to control yourself, keep the annoying little tears at bay. But it wasn’t enough. You’re weak. Useless. A burden I never agreed to shoulder.”
My eyes prickled with tears as dread filled my veins.
“Look at you,” he shook his head, as his hand reached up to catch the tear that escaped from the corner of my eye. “A decade of work, and you still can’t help it, can you? I should’ve killed you myself a long time ago.”
My chest ached as his words cut deep into my heart. The tears were flowing and I couldn’t stop them. I reminded myself that this was just a test. That I needed to get myself undercontrol. That Javier didn’t mean what he was saying. That all of this…it was just a fucking test.
Javier sighed once more, letting his hand drop from my cheek. “Goodbye, Shiloh. I’ll see you in hell.”
I choked back a sob, desperately trying to get a fucking grip.
“You made your point.” My voice cracked, the boulder in my throat nearly obstructing my ability to speak. “End the fucking test.”
Javier opened the door and stepped onto the dark porch.
Why isn’t he stopping? Why is he being so cruel?
He wanted to hurt me, fine. I could hurt him too. I took a step forward, ready to fight him. A loud pop rang in my ears. The fire in my chest spread outward towards my limbs and I fell to my knees, breathless. My gaze was locked on Javier as he continued to walk away, down the steps and through the gate of our yard.
I blinked up at the darkness surrounding me. For a moment I thought I was dead, my hand trailing up my chest until I could feel the beating of my heart.
A dream. It was just a dream.
A heaviness settled in my chest. I didn’t know which was worse— the nightmare or my reality.
The darkness was becoming suffocating. I pushed myself upright with a grunt of pain, blinking rapidly at the unexpected brightness as the tarp covering my body fell and revealed the morning light.
The sun was rising between thick white clouds, casting an orange hue across the piles of rusting cars surrounding me. I threw the tarp off my body and climbed down from the decaying truck bed. I grabbed my backpack and pulled up my hood to shield my neck from the crisp morning air.
After glancing around the empty lot, I trudged towards the hole in the chain-link fence I had been using as an entrance andexit the last two days. I had spent several hours wallowing in my sadness and self-pity before I eventually picked myself up from that park bench on Sunday. I used the park bathroom and threw out my bloody and incriminating clothes. Then I had headed to find somewhere to sleep for the night.
Despite my aching limbs I continued to walk through town until I reached the junkyard. I knew that I needed food, and without any money, the only place I could think of going was the food court at Eckner Lake Promenade. I circled the outdoor shopping center, getting as many free samples as possible before heading back to the junkyard. It was enough to make me feel like I wouldn’t pass out from exhaustion.
Last night I decided that since I wasn’t going to kill myself—yet—I needed to get somewhere safe to sort out my fucking life. And I couldn’t go home without risking running into my dad and him calling Carlos.
That piece of shit fucker was too high to notice me as I was raped and beaten. And he didn’t give two fucking shits that his child was murdered in front of him. There was no telling what lengths he would go to if it meant Carlos wouldn’t kill him. Not after he’d begged Carlos to kill me instead of him.
I forced myself to wake up as I walked towards school. It was the only place I knew that I would be safe from Los Siete. They couldn’t justify kidnapping me from school grounds no matter how much pull Carlos had in this city. Maybe I’d miraculously find the solution to getting the fuck out of here if I could take a moment to think without looking over my shoulder for someone with a gun.
I prayed thanks to whoever had made it a law that our school district offered free food for lunch because it would be my first meal in days. Plus, the school gym had showers. I couldn’t wait to finally wash off the blood, sweat, and other bodily fluids that made me want to vomit again just thinking about.
I kept my hoodie up as I entered the school grounds, allowing myself to walk at a slower pace that matched how fucking badly my entire body ached. I stopped short of the girl’s locker room when I heard voices from inside. I cursed, realizing that there was an early morning sports practice, and leaned my tired body against the wall as I waited for the girls to leave. It felt like I was waiting for hours before they finally emerged wearing bathing suits and towels walking in the direction of the pool. I crept into the locker room looking between each row for any stragglers before heading for the showers.
I stopped and turned my head at the sight of an open locker to my left. I scanned the silent room again before stepping forward and eyeing the soaps inside. I prayed for forgiveness as I stole the bottles and as quickly as my feet could take me, I entered one of the shower stalls and drew the curtain. It took me a while to strip my clothes, but once I had, I cranked the water as high as it would go and stepped beneath the hot water.
I stood there, letting the soothing water roll off my body until I remembered that I needed to finish before people returned.
I was afraid to look at myself and see the extent of the damage done. I couldn’t stomach the sight of the bruises that were forming when I attempted to clean the dried, flaking blood from myself in the public bathroom two days ago. I kept my eyes screwed shut as I cleaned myself from head to toe seven times. It didn’t feel like enough, and I wondered if it ever would, so I forced myself to stop and shut off the water.
“Fuck,” I hissed as I searched for a nonexistent towel. Paper towels would have to suffice.
The damn paper towels were just falling apart and sticking to me, so I gave up and decided to assess the clothes that I had while I air-dried.
I sighed, grimacing in pain, and pulled on Javier’s baggy long sleeve shirt and a pair of black leggings. In my haste to shove whatever I could into my backpack, I hadn’t packed any clean underwear, bras or socks. I grabbed some more paper towels to line my shoes, as if it would help. After shoving my clothes back into my bag, I faced the mirror and immediately frowned.
The cut on my lip was still visible, scabbed over, butvisible, and light green bruises were scattered around my lip, under my eyes, and across the bridge of my nose. It looked like someone had tried to shave a chunk of my brow off or something, andnotin a fashionable way. My hair was wet and stringy and sticking to my neck, leaving puddles of dampness on the shirt that was three sizes too big.Great, now it’s obvious I’m braless.Whatever. I think that’s a trend now.
I licked my chapped lips, cringing at how disgustingly badly I needed to brush my teeth.
