I can’t.
I took a deep breath and nodded, staring into his patient eyes.
“Okay,” I breathed, my pulse racing as I braced for the worst reaction from him. “It was a Xanax.” He nodded slowly, and Icontinued. “Adrian and I were going to visit a family friend, and I get anxious on long car rides. So, I took a Xanax to chill out. I lied and said I was sick because that’s what my dad told the school. I didn’t want to get in trouble. I’ve missed a lot of school lately.”
He let out a breath that sounded almost relieved, and he searched my face like he was determining if I was telling the truth. Enoch must have decided I was because he pulled me against his chest suddenly, his hand sweeping over my hair as he held my head against his beating heart. It was surprisingly slow, and I timidly brought my arms around his back, a silence falling between us that was filled with the unasked questions radiating off Enoch.
“Say something,” I finally muttered, unable to take the tension.
He chuckled, the sound making my lips twitch into a smile. I pulled away, my hands resting on his forearms and he let his own fall to my waist.
“Well, I mean, I have a lot of other questions,” he finally said. I was expecting him to be frustrated but he didn’t seem to be.
“Like?”
“Are you and Adrian still dating?”
I blinked at him with surprise and shook my head. “No, definitely not.”
Enoch bit his lip, nodding in thought for a moment before continuing. “But youweretogether?”
I looked over his shoulder at the family photo from when Enoch looked to be seven or eight.God, he is so lucky to have the family I don’t. He was such a cute kid with his little round face and gelled down curls.
Get. A. Grip. Shiloh.
“Not officially. And he’s a family friend, so he’s kinda always going to be in my life,” I explained. It might have been a half-truth, but he didn’t seem to notice.
“And you were going to visit another family friend together?”
My chest tightened with guilt for all the secrets I was keeping.
“Yes,” I pursed my lips, hoping he believed me.
“Sorry, last question, and—” he cleared his throat like he was nervous and just trying to stall. I tensed, and he squeezed my hips with a small smile. “I’m not trying to make you…I just…you guys aren’t in, like, a sexual relationship or anything?”
I was unsure of why he would ask me that, and he must have seen the confusion on my face.
“I’m not trying to be weird about what you do in your free time or whatever, I just…I really like you, Shiloh. Like, a lot. And I don’t want to act on those feelings if you’re seeing someone else.”
I stared at him in shock, gripping his arms as I felt like I was going to fall over.
“Youlikeme?” I asked, the question ringing in my ears as I reeled from the possibility that this was reality and not a dream.
Enoch chuckled, sliding his hands to my lower back and linking his hands together as he stepped so our hips were touching. That familiar warm feeling in my chest radiated across my whole body, the anxiety and tension evaporating.
“Yeah. I do.”
I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face.
“Me too,” I whispered. I could have sworn I saw a twinkle in his eye with delight before he pulled me into his chest and hugged me.
I should’ve lied. I should’ve told him I didn’t feel the same way. I shouldn’t have given him false hope that we might end upin a relationship. It was selfish. But maybe he was selfish too. He was going to be leaving for the military anyway. What did it matter that I would be the one to break him first? We could just pretend for a little while that neither of us was leaving.
As much as I tried to reason with my decision to lead him on, the guilt swelled in my chest. I was drowning on dry land.
Enoch let out a sigh, squeezing me gently before stepping back and lacing his fingers with mine. He began walking us down the hall and I looked up at him, still in shock.
“Hey,” he suddenly said, making us stop. “I’m sorry by the way. For spying on you.” I nudged him in the ribs with my elbow and he chuckled, flashing me a smile. “I know it was kind of fucked up to just have assumed it was drugs…and for the record, I wasn’t actually following you. Like I said, we were there dropping off some soup and checking on you. Anyways, I’m sorry. And I’m really freaking relieved that Jae and I don’t have to stage, like, an intervention or something.”
