I could feel Jae’s eyes on me, but I didn’t give in, just nodded and stuffed a grape into my mouth. I wasn’t going to have that conversation in the middle of the cafeteria. “Okay, sonow that you’re back, we can plan out Thanksgiving break. Any ideas people?”
“Well, we’ve still yet to finish any of the shows we’ve started,” Jae mentioned with an annoyed look at the both of us.
“It’s not my fault all the shows you want to watch are long as fuck,” Shiloh shot back.
“It’s not my fault you fall asleep ten minutes into every episode we start.”
“Alright, chill. Both of you. Shiloh, eat something.” I slid a bag of pretzels from my lunch in front of her. “Lunch is already almost over. And Jae, stop antagonizing her.”
“But-but she’s the one name calling and insulting my taste in TV shows,” Jae pouted.
I threw a grape at him and he caught it with a laugh.
Shiloh stared at the bag of pretzels, and I frowned.
“You want something else? I’ve got a some carrots and hummus.”
“Um, no thanks.”
“You busy tonight? You want to come over after school?”
She gave me a curious look, our eyes locking for a long moment. I wished that I could read her mind. Or that she would tell me what was wrong. I could see it in her eyes. Sadness and something else that looked like longing.
“Um, yeah I’ll just meet you at your car after class?”
I nodded, smiling.
The rest of the day was a mind-numbing blur of classes, and I probably should’ve paid more attention, but I was way too keyed up to see Shiloh. There was something off. Usually when we hung out, she’d eventually drop the mean girl bullshit, well, she’d take it down about three notches and be laughing and smiling. But today, she was extra mean and this morning, that hug…
I rubbed at my chest, making my way through the hallway to my car.Fuck.That was not some normal‘hey, I missed you’hug. That was a‘fucking hold me and don’t let go, please’koala clinging hug. Like she was trying to permanently glue herself to my body.Oh, crap. Maybe it’s her brother’s birthday or something?I pulled out my phone to text Sebastian and ask him.
I didn’t expect him to reply immediately, so I put my phone away and smiled with relief at Shiloh leaning against my car. She smiled back and it felt genuine until I got close enough to see her eyes. My stomach bottomed out, and I felt something deep in my gut telling me not to let her out of my sight. Her eyes were sad, but that longing from this morning was replaced by something that looked like defeat. The feeling was clawing up my throat, and I pulled her into a hug. She let out an umph, her hands still at her sides.
“Woah, you good?” she asked with shock, standing stiffly as I held her to my body.
“Yeah,” I muttered, my chin resting against her head.
There were too many lies piling up and I didn’t know what to believe anymore. All I knew for sure was she was going to stay the night and tell me what the hell was going on before she left. Otherwise, I was done giving her leeway—my dad was going to get involved whether she hated me for it or not.
Twenty-Seven
November 11, Thursday
Shiloh
Ilocked my knees, standing over the sink and taking a shaky breath. The dinner was not settling well in my stomach, and I was nervous that Enoch’s parents would overhear, and everyone would think I was bulimic or just a pathetic freak.
Why do I have to puke every time I’m here? I will not throw up. I will not throw up. I will not throw up.
I splashed my face with some cold tap water and looked up at my reflection. My eyebrow still had a patch of hair missing and I rubbed my finger over the bare spot. It looked like it was going to be permanently bald where the pale pink scar cut through the tail of my eyebrow.
As if I need another facial feature to make me look psychotic.
I bristled at the word, my lip curling as I remembered what that kid said. With my bloodshot, red-rimmed eyes and ferocious stare I was a little crazed looking. My all-black and oversized attire didn’t help my case.
I waited several more minutes to be sure I wasn’t going to puke and walked out of the bathroom. I gasped, the door hitting my back as I tripped.
“Fuck,” I muttered. “You scared the shit out of me, Enoch.”
