That made him laugh.‘I could have guessed that.If you can give me her name, I’ll make sure she never has scissors anywhere near my hair.’
‘Probably a wise move,’ Amber concurred, but she couldn’t help but be amused.
He let out a sigh.‘You know…’
‘Oh, no.I recognise that tone.Serious.Whatever it is, I don’t want to know.’
‘I saw Estelle last week.’
Amber could almost hear the steel doors of her mind slamming shut.
‘Like I said, I don’t want to know.’
Estelle.Her best friend since they’d met in their first year at art school.The sister she’d chosen for herself, a bond that filled the hole created by her turbulent family background.
‘Amber, you need to forgive her.’
He wasn’t giving up.Bollocks.Every time she let him in even a little, he somehow managed to take a chisel to another piece of her heart.
She picked up a cloth and began washing down the breakfast bar as a distraction.‘I really don’t.’
‘Amber, you know it was all on me.She’s not responsible for what happened.She thought she was doing the right thing.’
‘The right thing?’She turned to face him and lowered her voice so that the boys wouldn’t pick up on her words.Not that they’d understand what they meant, but they were about to be said in the same tone she used when they’d drawn on the walls with felt pens last week, so they’d get an inkling that she was peeved.‘The right thing would have been to tell me.It would have been to stop covering for you…’
‘She didn’t…’
‘Oh?So my best frienddidn’tfind out that my husband was having an affair and decide to keep that to herself?’
‘It wasn’t like that…’
‘It was exactly like that!’
Final straw.Camel’s back broken.Amber inhaled.Exhaled.Glad the boys were distracted with a tussle over a triceratops.
‘I’m not going to argue with you, Ewan.Conversation done.Thanks for helping with breakfast.’She turned back to the boys, smiley face and sing-song voice reinstated.‘Right, my handsome ones, let’s go get ready to go to Daddy’s house for the weekend.First one to brush their teeth gets the biggest hug ever.’They were still at the age where that was a prize to fight for, so the two of them took off, with Amber tearing behind them.Teeth were brushed, hugs were given – she called it a draw so they both won the prize – and they were back downstairs ten minutes later with their overnight bags in their little hands.They had their own rooms at Ewan’s townhouse, just ten minutes away, with clothes and toys there, but they still insisted on taking their favourite teddies and books back and forwards with them.
At the door, Ewan helped get them into their little parkas, boots, hats and gloves, before pulling all his outwear back on and then kissing her on the cheek.‘Sorry.I didn’t mean to piss you off.’
‘Daddy!’Alfie exclaimed.‘That’s the F word!’
‘No darling, that’s the P word,’ Amber tried to explain.
Alfie shook his head wearily.‘Ah, p… uck.’
Ewan immediately put his hands up in a protest of amused innocence.‘Wasn’t me.’
Amber struggled to keep a straight face.‘Wasn’t me either.The teenagers next door forget their audience sometimes.Anyway…’ She leant down and squeezed them both.‘I’ll see you tomorrow night and I love you both more than elephants love buns.Be good for Daddy.’
‘We will.’With two slobbery kisses, they were gone, leaving behind a knot in her chest that came every time she had to say goodbye to them.
She gave herself a moment, leaning against the inside of the door, processing the transition between ‘mum’ and ‘single woman’ in record time because… She checked the clock on the wall and uttered the correct F word under her breath.She was late.
Taking the stairs two at a time again, she galloped upwards, then flew into her bedroom.Robe.Shower.No time to wash hair.Or shave legs.Underarms only.Another F word.Quick dry.Deodorant.Ouch.Body cream slathered on.Damn, it was on the carpet.Rub with foot.No time to paint toenails.Slap on foundation.Bit of mascara.Ouch again.Can only see out of one eye now.Turn head upside down and blast hair with hairdryer.Scrunch in some product to make it look less like the after effects of an electrocution.Lip gloss.Remove hair that was now stuck to lip gloss.Quick perfume spray.Ouch again.Both eyes now injured.Pull on bra and cream knitted lounge set that an Instagram influencer persuaded her to buy.Manage to open one eye to see if she looked like said influencer.Nope.Damn.More like a throwback from a granny’s knitting pattern book.Too late to change.Doorbell ringing.Fly downstairs.Checks reflection in mirror.Too late to change anything.Deep breath.Shoulders down.Act laissez-faire and casual.Open the door for the second time this morning, looking a little more polished than she had last time.
‘Hey, gorgeous.’The man she’d been seeing for the last two months greeted her, before he stepped forward, put his lips on hers and kissed her breath away.
The last two years had been the toughest of her life.She’d lost her marriage.She’d lost her best friend.She’d lost the future that she’d thought she would have with her beautiful family, the one where she grew old with Ewan and Sunday lunches were a family affair with their sons and grandchildren.Today she was just going to forget about the past.Forget about regrets.Forget about her heartache.Let go of all the things that has wrecked her faith in love.
