‘Yes, I suppose it is,’ Estelle had replied, in a tone that suggested this wasn’t a good thing, before going on, ‘One of your colleagues told me I’d find you here when I explained why I was looking for you.It’s just, my mum…’
Despite her disappointment and her pent-up resentment towards her former friend, Amber had felt a massive jolt of compassion when Estelle’s eyes had suddenly welled with tears.Estelle wasn’t a crier.She was calm.Stoic.They’d always joked that by the time she’d spent ages thinking things through, she’d already got over it.
‘My mum is upstairs on the elderly ward.She’s not been well.And she asked me to find you.’Two tears had begun falling down Estelle’s face and Bernadette had immediately jumped up and hugged her, beating Amber to it by a split second.
When Bernadette had finally released her, she’d beckoned Estelle to sit with them, but Estelle had immediately looked to Amber questioningly, as if checking that would be ok.
‘Please.Join us,’ Amber had reiterated.
Estelle had pulled out a chair and sat down.‘I’m sorry.I don’t usually make a habit of crying in cafes.’
Therapist Bernadette had immediately put her at ease.‘That’s okay.This cafe has seen more tears than you could ever imagine.Tell me what’s happened to Marge.’
Amber’s heart was thudding out of her chest at that point.She’d always adored Estelle’s mum, and it had weighed heavy on her conscience that when they’d fallen out, her relationship with Marge had been a victim of that.Now she wished more than anything that it hadn’t, but she’d been in such a dark place, losing Ewan, losing Estelle, dealing with two small children and running a business while being so heartbroken that she could barely remind herself how to breathe when she woke up in the mornings.
‘Mum has lung cancer.Stage four.They’re moving her to palliative care as soon as a bed becomes free.’
Bernadette’s words had oozed sympathy.‘Oh, love, I had no idea.I’m so sorry.’
Amber couldn’t get words out past the boulder in her throat, but she’d stretched over and taken Estelle’s hand.Fuck their fallout.She could go back to being mad about that later.
‘She’s been up on the ward for the last month…’
Bernadette had gasped.‘Oh my goodness, I wish I’d known.I could have come up to see her…’
‘I don’t think she told many people.Mum always liked to keep things private.Close to her chest.It’s just the way she’s always been, and even more so since my dad died.They pretty much just lived for each other and me.’
Amber had remembered a conversation at the funeral – Marge saying how she looked forward to seeing Alfie.And after Sid had been born the year after that, Marge had been delighted.The memory had made Amber feel even worse as it had sunk in that she’d deprived that poor woman of joy in what, from what Estelle was saying, were the last years of her life.She’d thought nothing could make her feel smaller than the events of this afternoon, but she’d realised she was wrong – this was as small as it got.
‘I always wondered about that,’ Bernadette had said.‘Your mum was my husband’s secretary, as you know, and he kept his professional and personal life very separate, so even though I’ve known your mum for decades, I didn’t really get to have any kind of relationship with her until after he died.I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you both through this.’
‘Please don’t apologise.I know you weren’t close friends, but today, for some reason, she became very agitated and insistent about speaking to you.’
‘Because we were supposed to meet tonight.That’s probably why.’
‘Ah, that makes sense.She hadn’t told me that.The cancer has spread now, and it makes her confused.Sometimes I think she isn’t with us anymore, and then other times she’s just as she always was.It’s heartbreaking to watch, because she was always so strong.’
Amber had stayed silent through the whole exchange, taking it all in, careful not to get in the way of what Estelle needed to say to Bernadette.
‘I’m so sorry, Estelle,’ she’d said, squeezing her hand.Inadequate, but heartfelt.
‘Listen, now that I know where Marge is,’ Bernadette had said, ‘why don’t I go up and see her, and leave you here to have a break and a cup of tea.My shift is finished for the day and I wasn’t doing anything until I met up with your mum and our other friends later anyway.I’d love to go up and sit with her for a while.’
Amber had already realised that in Bernadette’s world, tea and conversation were medicinal and used liberally.
Estelle’s eyes had met Amber’s, as if asking a question for the second time, and Amber had nodded again, before Estelle agreed with Bernadette’s suggestion.
‘That would be kind of you, thank you.’
Bernadette didn’t need to be told twice.As she got up, she’d said, ‘Amber, it was lovely to meet you – even considering…’ They both knew what she meant.‘I hope we’ll meet again.I’m always here with a cuppa if you need anything.’
‘Thank you.I’ll take you up on that.The cuppa, that is.’
That was all Bernadette had needed to hear before she went rushing off to provide chat and sympathy to someone else who needed her.Amber didn’t think she’d ever met anyone like her.
‘I want to take her home with me,’ she’d said to Estelle, who had apparently reached the same conclusion.
‘Me too.’
