Before I can even get a sentence out, she waves an empty casserole dish at me.“Oh!I made too much shepherd’s pie.Left the extra in your fridge.Don’t let it go to waste.Daniel’s already had some for dinner.Most of it, actually.So, if you want to claim the rest as yours, I’m sure no one would mind.”
I try my best to be as happy as she is, but I just don’t feel it.With every bit of kindness she shows, it only reminds me how utterly empty and alone I am.Walking her to the door, I give one more wave before locking it behind and resting my forehead on the cool faux wood.
Thoughts swirl as bile rises in my throat and burns me from the inside out.
He didn’t want me.
He paid me to leave.
I’m disgusting.
Why do I want him so badly?
None of this helps.It only causes the sorrow to build until I worry I will project so much that Daniel will be concerned.I can’t have him worrying about his big sister.
Wiping my eyes, I force a smile onto my face and walk to his room and give a soft knock.There, cross-legged on the bed, controller in hand, Daniel gives me a quick glance before turning his attention back to his game.
In the dim light, all the exhaustion is on full display.Heavy rings darken the skin under his eyes, nearly swallowing them up.His cheekbones stand out prominently in the various shadows cast by the shifting graphics.So thin.So gaunt.So tired.
Maybe I should have gotten one of the fancy outfits after all.I could have sold it and made sure he had some good food in his stomach.Just looking at him hurts.What would my parents say?Would they hate me for how badly I’m managing all this?
Slipping inside, I sit next to him and watch as the little person on the screen jumps about, squishing what looks like angry mushrooms.It feels so nice to be close to him, as he stares intently at the screen.We don’t need conversation, just… this.
“Ewww,” he cries out as he pauses the game.“What’s that smell?”
My heart stutters for a second as I blink down at him.“I- What?What smell?”
Surely he can’t be talking about Jason.I’ve showered.I’ve changed.I’ve removed every bit of him I could.
“Did one of your coworkers smoke next to you?You smell like cigars or something.That and Dad’s jacket.It’s weird.”
Cigars and leather.Tobacco and leather.The same scent Jason smothered me in.How could he be so sensitive?
“Y- yeah,” I laugh, the sound tight in my throat.“Such a filthy habit.I’m going to shower it off and head to bed.Don’t stay up too late.Okay?You have school tomorrow.”
“Yeah, yeah,” he grumbles as he presses the button on his controller to start the game back up.
Normally, I’d fight with him, I’d argue about his bedtime, but tonight, I let him have this win.Anything to keep him from questioning me any further.Honestly, I’m shocked he didn’t pick up on the fact that I’m wearing new clothes.But then again, it’s not as if they’re anything special.
For a moment, my heart threatens to stutter in my chest as I turn the water on.How many more showers before I’m clean?How many more before I no longer smell like him?How many more before I can convince my body I don’t want him again?
As I step in, the hot water pelts my skin, but I feel nothing.Even as I crank it up a bit, I still feel nothing.It’s as if I’m numb, unable to experience small sensations.Hotter still, and nothing.
Soft sobs claw at my throat as I slide down into the tub and let the water sluice over my skin.Each slide of a droplet feels like his mouth on my throat.Each rivulet as it winds its way down my body is his tongue.God, even the steam itself feels like the brush of his fingertips against my skin.
How insane is this?Why can’t I drive him from my mind?It was a onetime encounter.Nothing more.He made it very clear I was to leave the clinic and never come back.Honestly, why would I need to?I have far more money than I’d ever dream of having.
If only I could figure out how to see him again.I don’t dare go to his bank.How would I be able to explain my presence there in a way that wasn’t just desperate?If I go back to the clinic, I might end up with someone else.Do I dare defy him?Do I dare make myself vulnerable to another Alpha?
His threats and demands roar in my ears over the sound of pounding water.He said he’d make me pay, said I got off easy.But what if I didn’t want to?What if I wanted to feel just how ferocious his hands could be against my skin?
I draw my knees up to my chest and rock back and forth as the sound of the shower muffles my sobs.How many times have I been here since my parents died?How many times did I pour out all my emotions where Daniel couldn’t hear?
And yet here I am, once again, but this time, it’s because my heart wants something it can’t have.It wants a man who only wanted an omega to fuck.Not me.Never me.If he truly wanted me, he could have used my information to track me down.
But he didn’t.
He didn’t even try.
