It occurred to me as I watched that, over the past few months, Evan and I had stopped touching each other like that, or at least, it happened less. Touch grounded him. I’d always assumed Evan touched me to ground me. But maybe he did it for himself and now he was getting that from Alan.
“Go,” Michael whispered, nudging my back. “Stop thinking so hard about it and let yourself be happy.”
“What makes you think this will make me happy?”
“How it is going right now is making you not happy, so try something different.”
“Just like that?”
He shrugged. “I have no idea, since I’m a-everything. Sexual, romantic—okay, well, not agender, I guess. But relationships are easy because I don’t do them, I just observe them. It’s like analysing a play, or a delivery, or whatever. I look at it all from the outside, figure out what’s working, and how to change what isn’t.”
“And you think Alan is how we fix us?”
“I think you figure out if that’s the solution, and if not, move on to the next thing.”
“I never thought this would be how I lose him.”
“You’re not losing him. You aren’t losing anything unless we count a few curling games, and that’s my concern, not your relationship. And not because I don’t care about you and Ev together, but because I don’t think the relationship is in danger. Is it bumpy right now? Maybe. But I’ve never met two guys so confident in the other. You just need to reconnect.”
“Right.”
“So go.”
I went, joining the practice with more trepidation than I liked. Not only could I not see my shots, I couldn’t deliver a stone accurately to save my life. After I threw the third or fourth shot too heavy and watched it sail straight through the house—a feat, considering how off the ice was—I felt everyone watching me, wondering.
“What’s happening?” Evan asked from halfway down the ice where he’d stopped brooming, because there had been no way that rock was going to curl on this ice. That question he normally asked more quietly, more directly, while he was holding my hand or playing with my hair.
“I don’t know,” I snapped back.
“Guys.” Robbie looked between us, eyes big.
“Perry.” Alan’s voice dug into my guts and weighted me down so I couldn’t flee when he slid over to me. “Take a breath.”
I glared at him.
“Please,” he said, quiet, like Evan got when he was trying to calm me. Alan laid a hand on my shoulder and kneaded. “Just breathe for one minute.”
“I’m breathing.”
“He was only trying to help.”
“Why is he so far away?” I peered past Alan to where Evan lingered near the hog line.
“Maybe because you snap at him every time he tries to reach out.”
I scowled. “I don’t know why I’m doing that.”
“The pressure is getting to both of you,” Alan pointed out. “Maybe we call it early today and take some time to regroup.”
“Yeah?” Robbie asked, sliding across the ice to us and hopping onto the end. He grinned. “My ride showed up early so it’d be nice if he didn’t have to wait.”
“Go,” Alan told him. “Get some rest.”
“Cool. See you all tomorrow.” He disappeared fast, as if he thought we might change our minds. His roommate collected him and whisked him off to who knew where.
Carol joined Michael in the bar and they sat down to order food, mostly ignoring us.
“You both need some stress relief,” Alan said as we pushed the stones to their resting place and gathered our equipment.
