“But something happened, didn’t it?” Sophie asks. “That’s why you’ve been down the last few days. It’s not just the fact that Kylen is here.”
I nod. “Yeah, you’re right.”
“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” Carly quickly assures me. “We support you no matter what.”
“Thanks, but I want to tell you. It’s been eating away at me the last few days and I feel like I might lose my mind.”
They nod and scoot closer to me, Addie sliding her hand into mine.
“I was hanging out at the rec room on Monday evening, playing video games with some of the guys. Richie was there, by the way, Sophie. And he was being a jerk like always.”
Sophie gets a sour look on her face. “I can’t believe I tried to get to know him better. Blergh.” She shivers in disgust. “I almost want to kill Damian for putting me through that, but I don’t think he and I would have gotten together if not for the challenge. So I think he deserves a kiss instead.”
“Totally!” Carly says with a giggle.
“My list definitely helped,” Addie pipes up, which has all of us laughing. Because the list of potential guys Addie made definitely didnothelp.
“Sorry for going off topic, Raven,” Sophie says. “Please continue.”
“That’s okay. We need to joke around with each other or I might just lose my mind. So Kylen and his friends were in the rec room, too, and they offered to play two versus two in a player vs player game. One of his friends, Jasper, offered to be my partner. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to play with them because playing video games with Kylen reminded me of when we did it at camp, but I told them okay. Jasper and I ended up winning.”
“Of course you did!” Carly says. “Because you are a queen.”
I chuckle. “Thanks. I kind of felt uncomfortable with Kylen sitting right next to me. It was like everything I felt a year and a half ago was yanked to the surface of my mind and my heart. It was really overwhelming. I sometimes wondered what it would be like if I ever met him again, but I didn’t think I would feel so many conflicting emotions at once.”
My friends nod in understanding.
“Anyway, I told them I had homework and left, but then Kylen called after me. He wanted to talk.”
“What did he say?” Carly gently prods.
“He started to bring up camp. I don’t know what he wanted to say, but I blurted out that what happened between us was silly. I have no idea why I said that because what I felt that summer wasn’t sillyat all. But maybe it was my defense mechanism working. A wall I put up. I don’t know. Like maybe I was worried I would be hurt if he rejected me, so I rejected him first.” My shoulders droop as I sigh.
“How did he react?” Sophie asks.
“He agreed that it was silly, that we were just kids and didn’t know anything.”
“Oh, no,” Carly says as she covers her mouth again.
“That must have hurt so much,” Addie says with sympathetic eyes.
I nod. “Then he asked if we could be friends. I told him I didn’t want to be friends, and he seemed hurt by it. But I couldn’t imagine interacting with him day after day after everything I’ve been through.” I shake my head. “I can’t help but want to kick myself for not giving him a chance to say what he wanted to say. Maybe he would have told me that…”
They all lean closer, eyes and faces full of intrigue and care.
“Never mind. I’m sure he wasn’t going to profess his love for me. He was the one who rejected me at camp. I know he didn’t feel for me the way I felt for him.”
“Are you sure?” Addie asks. “I don’t want to push anything, but maybe you misunderstood the situation?”
I shake my head. “He ran away from me after I told him how I felt, avoided me for the rest of camp, didn’t say bye to me on the last day, and he never bothered to contact me after. So it’s obvious he didn’t feel the same for me. He probably thought I was a big joke.”
My friends exchange glances, not sure what to make of this.
“I like to think positive,” Sophie says, “but only you know how you feel and what’s right for you. How do you feel about all of it, Raven?”
I puff out my cheeks. “I feel like a part of me is holding on to this ridiculous hope that he does feel something for me. But I need to keep reminding myself it’s not true. It would just cause me more pain. If I were to get rejected by Kylen again, I really think it would destroy me.”
Addie takes me in her arms. “That’s okay, Raven. You did what you feel is best for you. You don’t have to be his friend if it’s only going to cause you pain. You don’t owe him anything, but you owe yourself everything.”
