“And you were protecting them,” she shouts.
“No, I wasn’t! I wanted to protect you. If people in Emerley found out the depth of this scandal it would have been so much worse.” Taking a deep breath, I try to remain calm as I continue, “I was so angry at them that I cut them from my life. I pushed both my parents to leave Emerley and get Jackson the help he so obviously needed because I didn’t know what he was capable of. He resented your “perfect” family, he resented our relationship, he resented you. If he was willing to stalk his own mother, who knows what he could have done to you. I honestly believed that if I put distance between the two of us, he would move on. You just witnessed how volatile he is, I couldn’t risk his attention being solely on you. I am convinced if I hadn’t walked into my dad’s house that day, my mother would have just swept it under the rug and pretended nothing happened. She was obviously grieving but wanted to protect Jackson beyond anything else. She put him first.”
“Let me tell you how little I care about your mother’s grief, Logan.” She holds up her tiny hand and holds her fingers in a circle. “Zero. Not one bit. I almost lost my mother to her grief. So, fuck your mom and fuck her sadness.”
“I didn’t mean it like that, I swear. Just that she continued to put Jackson above everyone else, every single time.” Fuck, I can’t say anything right.
Walking over to the sink, she places her hands on the counter, peers into the night sky, and says quietly, “After we broke up it was easier to focus on losing you than losing my dad. It was easier to be angry at you than being angry at my mom for being sick or at my dad for betraying us. If I stopped thinking about you, then I would have to face my grief, and I wasn’t prepared to do that. But the truth is I wasn’t really given any choice; you took it away.”
“I’m so sorry, Hannah. If I could go back and do it all over again, I would have never left you alone.”
“I almost believe you, but it doesn’t matter now.” She turns to look at me. There is no fight left in her eyes, just quiet resignation. “Does anyone else know?”
“I only told Riot.”
“You told Riot but not me?” Exhaling deeply, she closes her eyes and tips her head towards the ceiling.
“I was losing my mind. I didn’t know what to do or who to talk to.” Walking to her, I take her hand in mine.
“Me, Logan, you were supposed to talk to me.” Her sad eyes meet mine as she pulls her hand free and walks towards the mudroom.
“I know, I was just so angry,” I call after her.
“I need to leave; I need some time to think. This has been a lot, and I’m exhausted.”
“Please stay. I can sleep in the guest room if you need space.”
“No, I can’t,” she says firmly.
“You don’t have your Jeep here, I can drive you home,” I plead, if nothing other than getting a few more minutes with her. I don’t want to leave things like this.
“No.” She holds her palm up and shakes her head as she sits down on the bench to slip on her fuzzy boots. “I don’t want to be near you right now. Listen to me…I need to think.”
“I would give you the truck, but I don’t think you should drive right now.” I follow her out the door onto the step.
“Shocking, of course you think you know what’s best for me,” she grumbles. “It’s fine. I’m just going to walk to my mom’s and stay there tonight. I need some space, and I can’t think when I’m near you.”
“At least let me walk you. Or take Morgan.” I’m not above begging at this point. This cannot be the end after we fought so hard to be together again.
“Logan, please stop; I just need some time. I promise I will talk to you when I’m ready.”
“I’ll take you home.” Both of us look down in surprise to see Riot sitting on the stairs. Rising to his feet, he smiles softly at Hannah. “Come on, I’ll drive you back to the lake. Your girls are already there waiting for you.”
“I’m mad at you,” she whispers to my giant friend before taking his outstretched hand. “You should have told me.”
“I know, I’m mad at me too.” He looks up and meets my eyes briefly before leading her down the stairs. He doesn’t have to say anything for me to know how disappointed and angry he is at me. He has been telling me for weeks that something like this would happen and he was right.
I trail after them around the side of the house in just my socks, watching as Riot helps Hannah into his truck. She neither says goodbye nor looks back as they drive off into the night.
Reluctantly, I force myself to go back inside and walk straight to the high cupboard I store alcohol in. Taking down a glass, I pour myself a generous serving of whisky and shoot it back. Sinking to the floor with the bottle, I leave the glass behind on the counter. Resting my head back on the cupboard door, I closemy eyes. My knuckles throb, my ribs ache, and I feel like my heart may split in two.
I don’t know how much time has passed when Morgan finds me sitting there and comes and lies down beside me, placing his head on my lap. My hand rests on him so I can scratch behind his ears.
“I fucked up, buddy,” I tell him. “It would be easy to blame Jackson for everything, but it’s my stupid choices that brought Hannah and me to this moment, and I don’t know if there is anything I can do to fix it.”
Chapter Forty-One
We sit silently beside each other as we travel out of town towards my cabin. The only noise is from the rumble of the engine and a classic rock station playing quietly on the radio.
