As we pull into town I begin to twist my hands in my lap anxiously. Logan takes one and holds it in his own. “I’ve got you. Just breathe.” I swear I’m trying.
Main street is quiet tonight. Many of the stores and restaurants have closed early because of the weather I presume. Most of the shops have cheery Valentine's Day displays in their windows. The lampposts have white lights strung between them.Though the snowplows have recently been through, the roads are still snow-covered. How can everything look so peaceful when my life has become anything but?
Logan slowly makes his way to my house. The trees lining the street hang heavy with the weight of the snow. The roads have become quite slick in the past hour driving from the city. As we pull up to the house, I can see all the lights are on inside and the snow has recently been removed from the sidewalk and stairs. Instead of my dad's car in the driveway, there is a police SUV. It takes me just a moment to process what I am seeing.
“Oh my god, my mom!” I yell as I jump out of the truck before Logan even has a chance to turn it off and rush towards the veranda. Logan is right behind me when I throw the door open bringing the cold and snow with me. Stopping short, I see two sombre-looking police officers talking to my mom, Grace, and Logan’s mom, Beth, in the open-concept kitchen. I recognize the older of the two officers. His name is Mason Kent, and he went to school with my parents. I’m pretty sure he plays golf with my dad. He is currently holding my mom's arms at her elbows as if to keep her standing.
I rush to her and look her over from head to toe assessing for damage. “What’s going on? Are you okay? Where is Dad?” I fire off questions in rapid succession. She remains silent, staring ahead unfocused as Officer Kent moves carefully to stand beside her. Turning, I kick off my wet boots toward the general vicinity of the entryway and drop my coat and hat into Logan’s waiting arms.
“Mom?” I touch her arm and try to get her attention. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?” She doesn’t answer me.
Stepping back, I look from her to Officer Kent, and ask, “Are you here about the pictures posted online this afternoon? Do you know who shared them? Are they going to get in trouble?” I’mtaking a risk asking because I have no idea what my mom does or doesn’t know. She’s clearly upset.
The officers exchange looks, having a wordless conversation. My mom hangs her head and begins to cry. I’m startled when Beth rushes over and pulls her into her arms before I have a chance to go to her.
Officer Kent hesitantly releases Mom, steps closer to me and looks directly into my eyes. “We are aware of the social media posts, but that isn’t why we are here,” he speaks quietly. “There has been a car accident on the road coming back from the cabin.”
“What are you talking about? What accident?” I interrupt.
Officer Kent takes a deep breath to collect himself and continues. “Your father was in a car accident. We don’t know the exact cause yet, but the road around the lake is quite icy. The car spun off the road and hit a rock cut. We will know more tomorrow once the scene is completely processed.”
“My dad's car? Is he okay?” Gasping, my fingers touch my lips as I look back and forth between the two men.
“I’m afraid not.” Officer Kent looks towards my inconsolable mother then back to me. “I’m so sorry to tell you, but he appears to have suffered a massive head injury and was pronounced dead at the scene two hours ago.”
Chapter Three
No, no, no. This is not happening.
“Dead? No, absolutely not. We just talked to him,” I say, shaking my head and looking at Logan for confirmation. He appears to be as stunned as I feel. “He asked us to come home. We came home. I don’t understand what’s happening right now.”
I watch as Beth silently leads my weeping mother to a chair in the family room before she collapses. She then returns to me and Logan with disbelief and pain in her eyes.
She takes ahold of each of our hands and squeezes. “I’m so sorry, Hannah. I was already here when Mason came to deliver the news,” she says with grief heavy in her voice. “I just can’t believe it.” Releasing us, she wipes the tears from her eyes.
My head is throbbing, and my knees feel weak. I need to sit down before I fall. Logan leads me to the cold hardwood stairs and sits down close beside me. I’m not sure who he’s trying to ground, me or himself. He has barely said a word since we walked through the door.
“It’s okay, Hannah. We will figure it out,” he says in a calm, steady voice. His worried brown eyes betray him.
“It’s not okay, Logan. My dad’s gone. I wouldn’t even speak to him when he called. I never told him I loved him back.” Tears begin to stream down my cheeks and my heart races in my chest. My last moments with him are clouded in anger. How could I not say I love you back?
“Oh baby, he knew you loved him. I need you to breathe. Try with me, please.” He slowly inhales and exhales while rubbing my back. I scan the room and see both men talking to Beth beside the door. She looks pale and her eyes are rimmed red. The younger officer hands her a business card.
Curled up in a chair by the front window, wearing pale blue flannel pyjamas with a crocheted blanket draped around her, my mother continues to cry. An open book and forgotten tea sit on the table beside her. Her thin fingers are pressed to the middle of her chest like she is struggling to breathe, a small gesture I am familiar with. I slowly rise to my feet, still shaky, and make my way to her. Logan stays close to my side.
Crouching down, I look up and try to get her attention. “Mom? Mom, will you please look at me?”
Through her tears she shakes her head and slowly rocks her body back and forth, trying to soothe herself.
Rising back up to my feet, I look at the officers and ask, “What does she know? What did you tell her?”
“She knows, Hannah. All of it,” Officer Kent replies as Logan puts a comforting arm around my shoulder and I lean into him, borrowing some of his strength.
Taking a deep breath, I try to collect myself. There is no time to process my feelings right now. My mom needs me, and I’m resigned to the fact that I must be her rock because I no longer share that responsibility with my father. He’s gone and this falls completely on me. Looking to Officer Kent, I ask, “What do I need to know and do next?”
“As I was telling your mom and Beth before you arrived there will be a standard police investigation – the road conditions, vehicle inspection, etc. It was a single vehicle accident so there will be no charges. We will also interview the witness at the scene,” Mason explains to Beth, Logan and me. He keeps glancing at Mom, but it’s obvious to everyone she is in no condition to hear this.
“Who was the witness?” Logan asks, furrowing his eyebrows. I never even thought about that; someone found him.
