Mason pushes his chair back and stands from the table gesturing to Mom to take his seat. After placing his cup in the dishwasher, he makes Mom her coffee and brings it to the table. Bending down he kisses her on the top of her head; she closes her eyes and smiles. I love this for her.
“I’m going to head into the station to check in and give you both a chance to talk. I’ll call you later.”
“Okay, be careful. Try not to get punched in the face again today.” She shakes her head and rolls her eyes.
“I’ll do my best.” He winks at her then gives me a quick wave before leaving the room.
“How about we put on our shoes and go for a walk through the garden. We can walk and talk. Sound good?” I appreciate thesuggestion, she knows I do better processing my feelings if I’m moving.
Grabbing my shoes from the front entrance, I find my mom already waiting for me at the back door that leads to her patio and gardens beyond.
She holds up a woven basket in her hand and says, “We may as well pick some apples while we are out. You will have to tell Claire to bring Ben over to get some pumpkins to carve.”
“I’ll tell her, Ben would love that.”
Stepping outside onto the patio, I immediately notice a stone fire pit. “Oh, this is new. I love it.”
“Thank you, I designed it, and Mason built it last weekend,” she says with a smile as she steps onto the path that leads into the garden.
Wow. Mason just built it all willy nilly, no big deal. It’s going to take me more than a minute to get used to this. Has she been name dropping all along and I just never noticed before?
As we walk, I admire the beauty of the gardens as she points out the changes. Over the summer, she has planted a couple more fruit trees and expanded her vegetable garden. I suppose Mason helped with that too.
The maple trees have changed from green to fiery reds and brilliant gold over the past few weeks. Tall ornamental grass sways in the early morning breeze. Annuals have been cut back to make room for late blooming chrysanthemums, echinacea, and yarrow. It’s gorgeous out here. She has done an amazing job.
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I begin the conversation I have been avoiding for years. “I want to talk to you about Dad.” Pausing to take a large breath, I sneak a look at her before continuing. “About everything that happened around the time he died. I have some questions, if that’s okay? If it’s too much just let me know and we can stop.”
“Absolutely, what would you like to know?” We stop at a mature dwarf apple tree, and she hands me the basket to hold as she chooses a medium sized red apple.
“Mom, did you know Dad was having an affair before the photos were posted online?”
Silence hangs in the air as she picks a few more and places them in the basket. It seems like forever, but it’s only a moment as she collects her thoughts.
“Come, let’s sit for a moment.” She leads me to a nearby wooden bench, and we sit down, side by side. Placing the basket on the ground, I angle my body to look at her. Her face stays relaxed, but she has begun to fiddle with the cuff of her sweater. “This is going to be difficult for you to hear, but I want you to listen without judgement and try to understand.” She looks me in the eyes, waiting for me to agree. When I nod my head, she continues. “Your dad was my best friend, Hannah. He supported me through so much. More than you even know. We loved each other very much.”
“I know, Mom. You seemed incredibly happy together. That’s why I don’t understand how he could do this to you.” My eyes instantly well up with tears and my nose stings with emotion.
Mom reaches into her pocket and hands me a fresh tissue before saying, “It’s a habit, I still carry them around.” Sighing she continues, “We loved each other very much but we were no longer in love. Does that make sense? We hadn’t been in a long time. He was my best friend, he took care of me, and I wanted him to be happy. I encouraged him to start seeing Beth romantically.”
“Pardon?” Gasping, my body freezes. “Do you mind repeating that? I think I heard you say that you encouraged him to screw around!”
“Language, Hannah,” she scolds me like I’m not actually thirty-one. “Your dad and Beth had been friends for years. Theyworked together on several committees, and of course, he knew her from the neighbourhood and you kids. When he hired her to work as his assistant, they got to know each other better and became closer.”
“So how did it happen?” I ask quietly, struggling to process this new information.
“Your dad and I were always honest with each other. He came to me and told me he had developed feelings for Beth. He wasn’t going to act on them, but he wanted me to know. I could tell he felt very conflicted. He always put me first and I thought he deserved happiness I couldn’t give him. Maybe if I had been well, I would have made a different decision and just let him go. I honestly don’t know what would have happened.”
“What was the end game going to be? Was he just going to play happy family with us and fuck the neighbour on the side?” Standing from the bench, I face away from her. My body is vibrating with anger and frustration.
“I know you are hurt, but you will respect me and your father,” she says sternly.
Spinning around, I shout, “I’m not just hurt, Mom. I’m livid. I feel like everything I thought was true is a lie. You kept secrets from me. All of you. What else don’t I know? Any half siblings out there I don’t know about?”
Remaining calm, she answers, “I’m sure you are angry and hurt by what you have just learned, but I would like you to try to understand. Beth was having a challenging time with Jackson.”
“Why the fuck is this about Jackson?” I interrupt. “Logan’s right, everyone thinks about Jackson first. We both deserved to know the entire truth. Logan and I were in our twenties, not middle schoolers.”
“I can see how you would feel that way, but we all agreed not to disrupt your lives. Beth was protecting her boys. We knew that if their relationship became public, she would be painted asthe other woman. The town wasn’t as progressive then and they were trying to be discrete.”
