*
He’s arrived at the river before me.
I see him pacing near the old pipe factory. When he notices my car, he stops. For a second I just take him in: his tall broad-shouldered stance, hands stuffed in his jeans pockets, his new haircut and shave showing off the angles of his jaw. I remember how we yelled at each other. He obviously remembers it too because, when I stand up out of the car, things get awkward.
‘Thank you. For coming.’ His words are stilted and low. ‘I didn’t know if you’d want to see me again.’
I keep my expression neutral. ‘I didn’t know either.’
‘That’s fair.’ He flaps a hand at the Pitbull. ‘Jump in.’
It’s not comfortable at all, the silence in his car as we drive further in. The sun is nearly at the horizon, and all the trees are looming. I get sick of the tension and decide to be proactive. ‘Tell me about Reggie.’
Harris seems to appreciate the conversation starter. ‘He’s okay. Not good enough to come home – the doc wanted to keep him overnight. He was dehydrated, apart from everything else. And yeah, obviously sending him home was a risk.’
‘What about his parents?’
‘Don’t even know who they are. They’ve never been in the picture before and he didn’t seem excited about getting in touch with them.’ He cants the steering wheel gently, glances at me. ‘You know you saved his life, right?’
All I can do is shrug.
Harris side-eyes me. ‘You’ve got a bit of a habit of doing that, y’know.’
‘What makes you say that?’
‘You saved mine,’ he points out, which kind of kills the discussion until he asks the next question. ‘What’s going on with your nanna?’
I fiddle with the strap of my seatbelt. ‘She’s…okay. For now. Can we not talk about it?’
‘Sure. We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.’
Harris finally noses the Pitbull into a spot near the water’s edge. With evening coming on I’d like to stay in the car’s warm interior. But the atmosphere is way too close in here so I get out. I hug my arms around myself as Harris emerges, his black hoodie stretched in front where he’s pushing the pockets down with his hands. The giant gums surrounding us cast darkening shadows as the river water licks the bank.
Harris starts slow, keeping his distance over the other side of the car’s hood. ‘I know it’s been a really full-on day. And I know you probably don’t wanna talk to me. But I wanted to say I was sorry for all the stuff I said, for what I did. And I wanted to explain stuff –’
‘You don’t need to explain.’
‘I think I do.’ His frown is a collection of solid lines, like a closed shutter. ‘I didn’t know what to do, okay? I called you cos I was desperate. Steph was telling me not to call the ambulance –’
‘Do you always do what Steph says?’ It comes out more waspish than I intended.
‘No,’ Harris says, giving me a look, ‘and don’t get your gander up about Steph. There’s nothing like that going on, and I get the impression guys aren’t really her scene anyway. So it’s not about Steph. It’s about me.’ He holds my gaze determinedly. ‘It’s just my history, okay? I’ve never been in a situation that wasimprovedby calling the cops. That’s just…not how it’s ever worked with me.’
I throw my hands out. ‘But you’reworkingwith the policeright now–’
‘I know that. I know it. But all I’m saying is it’s never made things better before, to contact them. Those instincts just kicked in. And I’m not saying it was a good call – it wasn’t, it was a shitty call – but in that particular situation, contacting the authorities would probably not have been a great idea.’ He stretches his neck and exhales. ‘I know it was fucked up. I’m happy to admit that. But at least phoning you was better than doing what Steph wanted to do, which was to dump Reggie outside in the street.’
I’m shocked by that. It must show on my face because the next time Harris looks at me his eyebrows are raised.
‘That’s the world I live in, Amie. It’s what I’m part of, where I’ve come from. Did you think because I agreed to do this narc business that I was some kinda white hat?’ His expression is bleak, unguarded. ‘I’ve never been the good guy, Amie. Look at what I did. The way I acted with Reggie, all those crappy things I said to you –’
‘You said what you thought was right,’ I concede.
He shakes his head at the leaf litter on the ground around us. ‘I dunno if it was right. Only you know what’s right for you. I shouldna said it, that’s the thing.’
I sigh. ‘Well, don’t get too mortified. Maybe some of what you said was true.’ I don’t meet his eyes when I qualify. ‘I’m still working it all out.’
His lips press together until they go white. ‘I seem to spend a lot of time apologising for all the stupid stuff I say to you. You’ve always been good to me, and I’m being an arsehole to you –’
