“You said you didn’t drink,” Nora pointed out.
“Well, we didn’t used to,” Soraya hedged. “But we started to drink wine sometimes at home. But I ... I’ve been embarrassed about it, because a lot of people in our church don’t believe in drinking at all. But he said it was fine and ...”
“And you like it,” Nora pointed out.
“Yeah,” Soraya said. “I enjoy a glass of wine.”
“Then you should have it. Not because your husband said it was okay. Because you want some.”
Soraya huffed a laugh. “I know I don’t make sense to you, and I’m kind of pathetic. I’m starting to agree, by the way.”
“I don’t think you’re pathetic.” Nora got a corkscrew and opened the bottle. “I really don’t. Not now, anyway. It was easy for me to feellike ... I don’t know, like you were just being mean to me, because I feel like I didn’t understand how sincere your faith is, how deeply you believe what you do.”
“I always have. What kind of ruined my life is realizing how little the people around me believe the things they say. Because they’re not holding him to the standard they would hold me.”
“I think some people have real, genuine faith,” Daisy said. “I think you do, Soraya. I think other people like what a community like that gives them. Connections, power. A way to wield fear. I’m not even sure they know that’s what they’re doing. But there’s a perfect set of rules for you to hold other people to while you don’t hold yourself to the same.”
“That’s how it feels. Like the rules are just a convenience. But I never ... I never looked at it that way. I’ve always really believed.”
“You still can,” Nora said. “They don’t get to take that from you.”
“No.” Soraya snagged the bottle of wine from Nora’s hand. “They don’t get to take it from me. But also, I’m allowed to change.” That was the scariest thing she had ever said. That she was allowed to change. Because change was something that was set up as a bad thing. “That’s the problem. I was told that I knew all the secrets of life and of the world from moment one. So learning new concepts and ideas, integrating them, letting them change who you are is seen as an enemy. But I didn’t know everything. I can see that now. I need to change. I can’t just ... dig in and learn nothing from this.”
“Well, that’s not what you’re doing.”
“So maybe I will have sex with somebody.” She immediately felt a little bit bad even saying that. “Maybe, but not to prove something to anyone else. Just for me.”
“Just for you,” Nora agreed.
Daisy lifted her glass. “To Alexandra. Who isn’t here, and should be. And to us, because we are going to help each other through this.”
“To us.” Nora lifted her glass.
Soraya was the last one to lift hers, and she clinked her glass against the others. “To us.”
It was Nora who took her phone out and opened a music app. “Do you guys like Fleetwood Mac, because really nothing says spiteful breakup music like ‘Silver Springs.’”
“I don’t know it,” Soraya said.
“I love that one.”
The song started playing, a slow musical intro, and Nora backed away from the table into the most open part of the kitchen. “Stevie Nicks very famously sang this song right at the man who broke her heart. Imagine being stuck in a famous band with one of these jerks we were married to.”
“Singing spitefully at them sounds good, though,” Daisy said.
“Agreed.” Nora spun in a circle as the tempo of the song picked up. She grabbed a broom from where it was wedged between the fridge and the wall and held the top end to her mouth like a microphone.
Even the song felt like a spell. A prayer. A promise.
That the man in the song who had left the woman in question wouldneverescape, even though he was done with her.
Even though he betrayed her.
It did feel perfect for the moment.
Daisy stood and joined in, waving her hands in the air and moving her hips in time with the music, her voice clear and beautiful like it always had been. It had been way too long since Soraya had heard her sing. Daisy reached out to Soraya, and she took her hand, jumping into the dance.
As she did, tears slipped down her cheeks. Because this felt new and amazing and scary, all at the same time. But it was her life. There was pretty much no escaping it.
