She was a woman who wanted a wild and fierce life, and a love that went with it.
She had that with Zach.
But she had it with herself too.
“Yes,” she said. “There is someone else.”
“I knew it, I—”
“It’s me. I’m choosing me.”
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Soraya
It’s never too late to break a cycle and begin anew.
—Rules for Witches
Declan went with Soraya to her divorce proceedings and then helped her clear out her apartment, once she got the finances in order, and ended up with enough money from the settlement to get herself a house that would be big enough for her and the boys.
Their relationship with David was rocky now. She was trying to facilitate inroads, but they felt betrayed by his lies, and fair enough. She couldn’t say they were entirely comfortable with her relationship with Declan, but when David had tried a last-gasp form of manipulation by saying she was a sinner for sleeping with him and exposing the boys to her lifestyle, they had pretty much told him to go to hell. “It’s not Mom that starred in the church’s first and only sex tape.”
She loved Levi for that one. And the old version of her would’ve been slightly appalled by her decisions, it was true, but she was aiming for honesty when it came to the kids. Because she did feel like lies had harmed them so much.
Declan also helped her get moved into the new house. As she stood there, gazing wistfully at the living room, now entirely full of furniture, she looked at him and felt a pang in her chest. She cared about him. Alot. She knew everything about him. His life growing up, his journey to becoming a doctor. How he’d met his wife and fallen in love with her. How much he loved his son. How badly it had hurt to lose him. He talked about him with ease. She was so glad that he could. It was a real relationship. He was patient with her, with her baggage, with the things she was still struggling with.
“Declan,” she said. “I ... I really care about you. This is my first house. The apartment was my first apartment that was just mine. I love my work at the apothecary. I love all these things I’m finding out about myself, and you helped me with some of it. But I’m afraid of what this means. I’m afraid of what I’ll lose if we keep getting more and more serious. I just don’t—”
“I’m going to stop you right there. Soraya, I’m falling in love with you. I know the timing is terrible. I also know that your experience of relationships is meeting and getting married, and that it forced you to give up a lot. I don’t need that from you. I love spending time with you. Talking to you. Being with you. I love watching you figure out who you want to be. I’m still doing that too. Because I’m a different person than the man I was before I lost my son. I’m still figuring out what it looks like to be a dad who doesn’t have a kid in this world. I really like spending time with your kids, but I know I’m not their father. I appreciate all that about you. That it gives me space for myself too. I’m never going to ask you to give something up to be with me. Now, if you don’t want to be together because it’s not working for you, that’s just fine. But if you’re scared of losing yourself, don’t be. I’m never going to ask you to give up your independence. I’m never going to ask you to cut off pieces of yourself to make me happy.”
He paused for a moment. “I know you never got to date, though. So if you feel like you need to go sleep with other people ...”
“I don’t,” she said. “And you’re right. I don’t know what a relationship looks like when it’s not a rush down the aisle. I don’t know what it’s like to just let one be.”
“Let’s let it be.”
The very idea filled her with hope and a sense of freedom she’d never known was possible. With her, everything had always needed to be planned. Certain. Done with a rigid set of boundaries and guidelines.
The idea of just living for a while, just loving for a while ... it was a revelation. One she was happy to embrace.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Nora
To see yourself clearly is to see the world clearly.
—Rules for Witches
It was a whole lot of moving. Between getting the apartment cleaned out and then refurnished as they got it set up to be temporary housing for women in situations like theirs, women who no longer had a place to stay because of a divorce, a death, a separation, or any other circumstance that left them in the lurch, Nora was vacating her house. And moving in with Sam.
While she hoped that her move wouldn’t intersect with Ben, it did. He ended up getting discharged right as she was getting the last of her boxes loaded into her car.
“Jesus, Nora. Can’t we talk about this?” Ben said.
“No. There’s nothing to talk about. I’m moving in with Sam.”
“What?”
