Her eyebrows lift. “You don’t?”
“I don’t know. Maybe I got defensive about you because Ibecameyou.”
“What do you mean?"
“I mean I’m an evil, coldhearted, selfish bitch who doesn’t know how to love anybody but myself,” I say, all facts, no emotion. “I don’t know how to fuck I’m supposed to love a kid when I’m still trying to love myself enough to fill all the holes y’all left in my soul.”
“God,” she says softly. “That’s…that’s hard to hear.”
“Try living it, Connie. Actually, don’t. Do what you want, I don’t care. I’m not invested in any outcome with you. I just wanted to hear you out because my brother just died and I didn’t want you to also die before I got a chance to say bye. So that’s what this is.”
She nods slowly as tears stream down her face.
“And don’t pretend like you’re sad about it. It ain’t gon’ be no different for you now than what it’s been for the past however many years.”
I stand, and Ace stands with me.
“Raya,” she calls as we’re walking away. “I really, truly hope you’re able to heal. From what I did.Especiallyfrom what he did.”
But I've already detached.
“Bye, Connie," is the last thing she'll ever hear me say.
And I'm not even sad about it.
43
Ace
“What’s my budget?”
“Ain’t none.”
“Ace!”
“Buy what you want, Ray Ray.”
I don’t know why my wife is arguing with me in the middle of the Louis Vuitton flagship store, but here we are.
After much coercion from me and one of the associates, she settles on a, well, a purse. I don’t know the name of it, but it’s pink and it’s cute on her. I tell her to go find a matching scarf. As soon as her back is turned, I approach another associate.
“Hey, I saw a little baby set. I need you to wrap that up for me.”
“Yes, sir. Pink or blue?”
“Blue. Actually, one of each. And also, pick out something that can double as a diaper bag. Wrap that, too. Be discreet.”
He nods and goes on his way.
Once we’re all checked out and back outside the store, she tries to peek inside my bags.
“Keep your eyes on your own work.”
I’m keeping my purchases to myself, along with the gift receipt just in case she does what she keeps saying she’s gonna do. And if I know her like I think I do, it’s a fucking pipe dream.
But we move.
Tori meets us at Top Hat, her favorite spot in NYC. It’s part lounge, part club, but she had us go to the cigar section where it’s quieter.
