“It’s not that I judge her, it’s that I worry about her. Because I’ma just be real right now…" he trails off, his eyes meeting mine. "Sometimes she does shit that I consider dangerous.”
“Dangerous to whom?”
“To herself. To other people. To me.”
Dr. Williams looks at me.
“It’s true,” I say. “I’ve done things in the past that hurt people.”
“I see.” She writes. “This is good. I have plenty to go on in our future sessions. But before we move on, Ace, I wannarelieve you of some of the pressure you’re putting on yourself. A person’s happiness or peace is internal. Picture a remote control that calibrates emotions. You don’t have access to her remote. And that’s not to say you don’t affect her emotionally. What I’m saying is that if she has her happiness dial turned down to zero, you can yell as loud as you want and she won’t even hear it. You understand what I’m saying?”
“Yeah.”
“Good. And we’ll revisit that eventually. Now, Raya, you mentioned wanting you both to feel comfortable. When did the discomfort begin?”
“Recently, I think. Ace loves the word ‘normal’ and he feels like we aren’t that. ButIfeel like, who I am is who I’ve always been, and he knew that when he put this ring on my finger. So, like, what are we doing? Why are we here?”
“You don’t think you have areas you can improve on?”
“Probably. But I feel like…” I trail off, thinking hard. “He doesn’t really want me to improve. He loves the stuff about me that he hates. If that makes sense. It probably doesn’t.”
“Go on," she urges.
“Not to be too vulgar, but the bad parts of me turn him on. If I was normal, he’d probably be bored as hell.”
“I see.”
“Dr. Williams, here’s the real. This manlovesthe darkness in me. He craves it. It makes him hard. And I think, if he could just be honest with himself about that, we wouldn’t be sitting in this office right now wasting your time.”
She turns her gaze on him. “Is that true, Ace?”
He’s quiet for a few beats. “I don’t know. Maybe.”
“I want you to think about it,” she says softly. “We’ll revisit it next time.”
He nods. "Cool, but what can we fix today?”
She chuckles. “That’s not quite how it works. Have either of you ever been to counseling?”
We both shake our heads.
“Well, let me explain how it usually works. First, we’re not here to decide who’s right or wrong. Nobody gets put on trial, so to speak. My role is to help you understand what’s happening in your relationship. One way we do that is by identifying patterns behind the issues you’re having. How conflict starts, how it escalates, how it ends,ifit ends. The vast majority of the time, couples have the same argument over and over because they don’t understand the root issue.
“Additionally, I want you to understand that we’re not looking tofixas much as we’re looking to make progress toward a healthier relationship. You will still have conflict." She smiles. "Let me repeat that. You will still have conflict. But we want to progress toward better communication, which means less damage.”
We both nod.
“We want to identify triggers so we can progress toward emotional safety. We’re going to examine our histories and beliefs about relationships. Things we’ve learned or been taught that may be an obstacle toward a healthy partnership.
“Ultimately, I want to progress you to a place where you make the decision about whether or not to stay together or separate. I can’t tell you that, nor would I. It’s up to you.”
I frown at that. “We’re not separating. Ever. That’s not why we’re here.”
She blinks, staring blankly when she says, “Thank you for telling me that. I appreciate the clarity.”
Then she looks at Ace. “Ace, when you hear that, what does that bring up for you?”
“I agree,” he says without hesitation. “Til death do us part.”
