“Could you give me an example?"
“About where I went to school, being close to my parents, what I did for work. Et cetera.”
“I see.”
“She admitted it when I asked her,” Ace continues. “And knowing what I know now, it makes sense why she felt insecure about her background. I forgave her, is what I’m saying.”
“But the trust issues are still ongoing?”
“Well, yeah, because she hides things from me. The only reason I know what’s going on is because I read her journals sometimes.”
My head whips to the right. “You read my journals?”
He shrugs and smiles.
Dr. Williams writes and sighs.
“I didn’t know this,” I say. “That’s…surprising. You’re supposed to be the honest one.”
He spreads his hands. “I wouldn’t have to if you told me what’s going on with you.”
“Okay, wait.” Dr. Williams takes a deep breath. “Let’s back up. Raya, it sounds like you don’t trust Ace with your secrets. Why is that?”
“I guess I don’t wanna be judged.”
“And these secrets you keep…”
“It’s not, like, cheating or anything," I defend. "It really doesn’t have anything to do with Ace. It’s stuff I do on my own, stuff I’ve been doing for a long time. Since before I even knew him.”
“Would you like to share an example?”
Ace snickers at that. I guess he thinks I’m not gonna say it.
“I fixate on people sometimes, that’s all.”
“Fixate?”
“Yeah. It’s just…something to do. It’s not that deep, but I guess he feels like I should be talking to him about it.”
She turns to him. “Is that how you feel, Ace?”
“Nah, actually I feel like she should have stopped doing it by now. We’re married, she’s happy, or Ithoughtshe was happy. I make sure she’s able to do whatever she wants, but for some reason…it isn’t enough for her. And I guess I’m at a loss. I don’t know what to do.”
She nods. “Have you ever considered the possibility that what she does on her own time has nothing to do with you?”
I turn my head to look at him, trying not to smile.
“I’m her husband. Isn’t it my job to make sure she’s happy enough to not have to…resort to coping mechanisms?”
“Isit your job? Who hired you?”
He shrugs. “I see what you're getting at. I think it’s my job because…I don’t know. I just do.”
“And that’s fine, Ace. I don’t want you to take my pushback as criticism. I just want us to interrogate our beliefs, because often times a big part of the problem in relationships is the roles we prescribe to ourselves, or that society prescribes to us.”
He nods.
“Do you judge her for her fixations?”
