Guy’s grin widened as he took our menus from us. “Very good madame.”
I leaned forward the moment he walked away. “He seems rather friendly with you.”
With a small smile, Olivia nodded. “He is very handsome and fills out his suit well.”
“Olivia.” I felt a blush coming on, and I wasn’t sure why. I was a married woman who had been intimate with her husband and even carried out flirtations with Flynn and other gentlemen. During my coming out, I was very popular, and I enjoyed the attention. It wasn’t until after the night I was with Flynn at the fountain that my father learned of my behavior. “I thought you were enamored of Flynn.”
“I will be a dried-out prune before he comes around.” Her lips turned down, and she lowered her lashes before rallying. “He still sees me as David’s wife. I am still young, and there is a whole host of other men who are interested in me.”
“They are indeed,” I said. She was sought after at every party, but I could sense her disappointment in Flynn. Part of the reason I had chosen Rex over Flynn was because my father didn’t like the bad influence Flynn had on me. I never told Rex that or anyone else. I didn’t want him to think he was my second choice.
She thumbed the rim of her glass and tilted her head for a moment, deep in thought. “I assumed I would be with David until my dying day.”
I reached over and squeezed her hand. She had been in love with her husband, and it had been a tragedy to lose him at such a young age. “I can’t imagine what you went through.”
With a wavering smile, she licked her lips and drew her gaze to mine once more. Determination rested in her eyes. “Thank you, but I wanted our luncheon to be a pleasant affair, and here I am being downhearted.”
“Lately, that’s all I seem to be doing.” My husband was alive, and yet a part of me felt like I had lost him.
“Rex is a good man.” Olivia drank more wine. “You are lucky to have him.”
“He is, yet...” I trailed off, biting back the admission I was about to make. My marriage was private, and a lady simply didn’t discuss such things, yet I needed to get this off my chest.
“And yet?” Olivia settled the glass back down, curiosity sparking her gaze.
“When you and David were, well...” I lowered my voice and looked around. Nobody seemed to be paying attention to us. My face flamed, and I was sure I had turned as red as a herring. “When you were married, were you, um, satisfied with how things were between you?”
“Not at first, no. English gentlemen are not well versed in all matters of intimacy.” Olivia laughed, the rich sound making me smile despite my embarrassment at bringing up thisconversation. “David was enthusiastic about his own passions, to be sure. During the course of our marriage, I made my own needs heard. Once we both conceded to our passions, things went well between us.”
“I see.” Her confession didn’t truly help me in my dilemma. My parents had stressed the importance of letting my husband take the lead on those matters, and I was supposed to be happy he chose me and submit to his needs. I had followed that dictate and while I enjoyed my husband’s touch, there was something lacking.
“Is Rex a selfish lover? He doesn’t seem the sort.”
My embarrassment increased. Since I was being honest, I might as well continue. “No, he is very solicitous. I...”
Guy returned with another man behind him, cutting off our conversation. He placed two bowls before us. The second man opened the tureen, the briny scent of fish soup wafting under my nose. Guy ladled an appropriate amount into our bowls. I was hungry but more interested in getting back to our conversation.
The second the waiter left, I lifted my spoon and hovered it over the bowl.
“You were saying Rex was solicitous.” Olivia dipped her spoon in the rich tomato-based broth, eagerness in her eyes.
“I can’t believe we’re having this conversation.” The soup was warm on my tongue, my mouth dry from the topic at hand.
“We arefriends. What you tell me is in confidence.”
Years of propriety were pounded into my head, and it was hard to speak of it. Oliviawasa bit of a gossip; however, she kept our conversations private, thus I wanted to trust her. I needed advice. Inhaling, I told her about the restrictions I had put on our marriage bed, each word sounding more and more ridiculous as I said them. Except I had made a promise to curb my impulses after my father found out about my impromptu dance in the fountain with Flynn. I began to have troublecatching my breath at simply thinking about my father’s reaction to the event. Not only had he beaten me for my behavior, but he had lashed my brother because he was supposed to be chaperoning me. My bad conduct had unintended consequences, and although I was a grown woman, some scars never healed.
“Eleanor, are you all right? You look rather pale,” Olivia said.
“Oh, sorry, no, I am fine. The wine is a bit sour for my tastes,” I lied, drinking more of the wine to dull the memories. Rex had wished to see me naked on our wedding night, but my torso and thighs still bore bruises from my last beating. The unsightly scars on my lower back would have been visible to him, and I would have had to confess my shame. After I stated my limitations to Rex, he took my suggestions at face value and respected my wishes. I often wondered if Flynn would have been more insistent in pushing the boundaries. He’d proven capable of making me lose my inhibitions in the fountain. “By keeping our relations in a more traditional lane, I thought I was doing the right thing.”
With a shake of her head, she laid down her spoon. “I am not shocked by this. My own mother told me the same thing. The difference is that I chose to put my needs on an equal footing as David’s, and our marriage was much richer for it.”
“I wish I was bolder like you.” In the early years, I regretted my dictate to some degree. The invisible scars I carried were more powerful than my desires. After a time, my family’s needs eclipsed my own. Rex seemed satisfied with our current arrangement, thus I told myself I was satisfied. Apparently, I had been lying to myself.
“Then be bolder. First and foremost, Rex is a man, and men like to look at women, it is a known fact. I can’t believe he has never seen you, well, the way God made you.”
Guy and his silent accomplice returned to our table once more. With a flirtatious smile, he asked, “I hope you are enjoying the soup.”
