“It is very tasty, thank you.” The constant interruptions to our conversation were nerve-racking. I wanted her input, and now that the words were out, it was becoming much easier to discuss a rather complicated subject.
The two men left us once more.
“As I was saying, don’t let silly expectations stop you from getting what you need from the arrangement.” She eyed a chunk of white fish in the broth.
“It has been twenty years. I, well, I am not sure how to start.” I was no longer hungry for food but for knowledge.
“Men are very basic and easily led if you use the right tactics.” She flaked the fish with her spoon but didn’t take a bite. “Some are more stubborn than others, like Flynn, however, his head is easily turned by a plump bosom.”
“He was always a rake.” The smoldering way he used to look at me had made my toes curl. “Rex is more conventional.”
Spoon lifted, she waved it over her bowl. “He is quieter and less verbose, but he loves you. That is the best foundation.”
“He is, which makes my remorse worse. I love him and desire him, I, well...” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I simply feel as if something is missing.”
“Is it missing lately, or has it always been missing?”
The question sparked more internal debate, and I considered my response. “That is hard to answer. The emotional connection has always been there and I do enjoy his touch, however...” I trailed off, unable to finish. Rex seemed satisfied with our coupling so it must have been me.
Understanding lit her eyes, along with horror. “You have been married for twenty years and never had a sexual orgasm?”
I gasped at the term, looking around to ensure others hadn’t heard us. “Olivia, mind your tongue.”
“Rex is the one who should mind his tongue. Rather,histongue should be minding you.”
I didn’t think it was possible to blush more. “Are you speaking of French kissing?” That was one thing we engaged in, and it was quite pleasant.
“I wasn’t talking about French kissing, but rather him kissing you in areas farther down.”
Surely she wasn’t saying what I thought she was saying? The tips of my ears were burning, my entire body alive in heightened awareness. “I have heard of women, well, pleasuring a man with their, um, mouthsthere. Is it done the other way?”
“David was very adept at pleasuring me once I told him what I wanted. If you are unfulfilled in the boudoir, work with your husband to find a suitable resolution.” She inspected her food once more, moving the fish around the bowl to scoop up a slivered carrot.
“I can’t do that.”
“You seem to be saying I can’t an awful lot today.” She was giving me no quarter, and while I was uncomfortable, I needed to hear it.
“How would I even broach the subject?” It was one thing in theory. Practice would require much more nerve. “Like me, he wasn’t experienced when we married.”
“Experience has nothing to do with it. Take off your gown and tell him what you want.” She lifted the fish on her spoon and took a bite. “It is quite simple.”
“I don’t know what I want.” A partial truth. I had told Rex about my father’s abuse simply because I wanted him to know upfront that I would not tolerate such types of punishment to be meted out to our children. Since his father was rather strict, he agreed wholeheartedly with my request. I never told him thetrue extent of the abuse, however. I picked up my glass and drank the wine. I hadn’t wished for animosity between Rex and my father. I wasn’t sure if I was protecting my father or my pride. A flash of white caught my eye, and I held up a staying hand to Guy, who appeared ready to approach. I wanted to finish our discussion without interruption. With a conscious effort, I tucked the unwelcome memories into the back of my mind, choosing to focus on the future and not the past. “And even if I did know what I wanted, would he comply with my request? He seems happy with our current arrangement.”
“Are you sure about that?”
Her question caught me off guard. “I, well, I assume so.”
“You are making many assumptions.” The cavalier way she said it belied the careful look she cast in my direction. She was challenging me to move past my comfort level. “If you find out that is truly the case, then find a man to have an affair with.”
My mind instantly went to Flynn, my nipples tingling and the place between my legs flaring to life. I swallowed my guilt. The thought was a betrayal to Rex. Both men appealed to my baser side. Flynn was blatant in his desire for me, at least he had been. On the night of my anniversary, there was nothing platonic in his eyes when the dance ended, and our faces were very close together. The heat in my cheeks reached a raging fire. “You are thinking about it, aren’t you?” She could read my mind.
“Finding another lover when I desire my husband seems counterproductive.” There was no doubt in my mind Flynn would have pushed my boundaries in the marriage bed until I told him no. Rex had merely capitulated to my initial ground rules, and we had lived by them for our entire marriage. The exception being our anniversary, the one time in recent memory I had come the closest to reaching an elusive pinnacle of pleasure.
“Then I would recommend rekindling the flame with Rex. He loves you. If he can’t or won’t fulfill your needs, find someone who does.” She settled her spoon across the bowl and I followed her lead.
My appetite had waned in the face of our frank conversation. If I could find a hybrid of both men, perhaps I could break out of the shell my father had built around me. The only person who could do that was me.
“I am certainly looking for a casual affair,” Olivia glanced in Guy’s direction in a telling manner.
