The reminder of Flynn brought back my newly acquired insecurity. It still rankled that she hadn’t chosen me. “As Flynn rightly pointed out, bed sport is no way to fix our problems.”
“Nor is avoiding the topic which has us at odds.” Eleanor held out her hand to me, our eyes locking. Like me, she hadn’t been sleeping much lately, and even in the carriage’s dim light, I could see the dark rings under her eyes. Lying beside her each night without touching or speaking had been excruciating. I had considered moving to another bedroom, but it was an admission of defeat.
I slipped my palm into hers, supporting her as she moved to sit on the bench beside me. The carriage slowed again, and more voices lifted in conversation in the passing night.
Tension returned to my shoulders. The foundation of our marriage had crumbled with her admission. I remained mute, unable to articulate my feelings without casting accusations.
“I can’t deny my past feelings for Flynn or my current ones.” She laid a hand on my thigh to gain my attention. “My feelings for him do not detract from my feelings for you. Iloveyou. I always have.”
“Yet you struggled with whom to marry by your own admission.” I remained stiff in my seat, my feet planted on the floor of the carriage. The gentle rocking back and forth was a comfort to my jangled nerves.
“I did. I was living under my father’s iron thumb at the time.” Her voice turned shaky, a common theme whenever she spoke about him. “Mary got sick the night of the house party, and she asked me to tell Flynn she couldn’t come. We began to talk, and he asked me to dance. I wasn’t aware he meant in the fountain itself until I ended up there.”
Over the years I had heard the story sans the part where she and Flynn exchanged kisses. The memory of our tryst at the Stratham and the two kissing still sparked my blood. Until the jealousy hit after her revelation. I had never been the jealous sort, and it frightened me. “Flynn was very impulsive and a rake, if truth be told.”
“Yes, well, after my father found out we had more than words.” The shakiness had increased, and her fingers on my leg flexed. “I told you how abusive he was, well that night, I feared for my life. First, he beat me until I could no longer stand. Then, I was forced to my knees to pray for my wicked soul for the rest of the night. He then turned on my brother to beat him for allowing it to happen.”
Fury and a host of other emotions raged inside my chest. I draped my arm around her shoulders, cut to the core by the raw pain in her admission. He had literally beaten her into submission. “He was a vicious and cruel man.”
“In the morning, I was informed that he had denied Flynn’s offer and accepted yours on my behalf.” More tears fell, and she made no move to stop them.
I cradled her to my shoulder. Although I was still upset with her, I couldn’t stomach that she had received such cruel punishment from a cold and distant man like the marquess. “I am sorry I was the catalyst for your pain.”
She shook her head and twisted to look at me, pleading in her eyes. “I know this will sound strange, but this has nothing to do with you. Once I left the fountain and returned to the house, I realized my mistake. I will not lie. I was tempted to give in to Flynn’s seduction that night. If I had been such a fool, I would have hurt you and Mary for the sake of rebellion.”
“You said you were in love with him.” No matter how she spun the top, that fact hadn’t changed. “Do you regret marrying me?”
“No,” she said vehemently. “I never regretted marrying you. I had strong feelings for Flynn, but that doesn’t diminish my feelings for you. In hindsight, lust took precedence when it came to Flynn, rather like your physical desire for him. You said you lusted after him, except you weren’t in love with him. Olivia helped me understand women have the same needs as men. You both showed me what I was missing out on, and I will be forever grateful.”
She tossed my words back at me from a long-ago conversation in the study. The first unforgettable night the three of us spent together, we shed most of the restrictions we’d placed on ourselves.
“I will admit to being confused by my feelings for Flynn. There was much at stake if anyone discovered our desires.” I had my position to consider. Eleanor’s lustful interlude with Flynn almost ended her life at the hands of her father. A shiver of horror coursed through me, and I pulled her tighter into my body.
“I faced the same threat.” She rested her head on my shoulder. “After he...the pain of kneeling was unbearable, and I swore to God I would try to be the proper lady. The reason I refused to remove my gown on our wedding night was because I still carried the bruises of his beating on my torso and legs, and I didn’t wish for you to see them. The guilt over my brother’s punishment led me to suppress my desires. I am sorry for stealing away our best years because of my past distress.”
“What you went through was insufferable.” I tilted her chin and placed a soft kiss on her lips, my own salty from her tears. “We haven’t lost the best years of our lives. I say we make new memories and leave the trauma of the past behind.”
Head tilted, she danced her mouth over mine, my love for her rushing to the forefront. There was nothing either one of us could do about the past. She and Flynn had a history, the same way he and I did.
“There is still the matter of Flynn and our unusual arrangement. According to him, he wants to continue the affair,” Eleanor said. “The last time we spoke of it together, you seemed soured to the idea.”
“Are you for or against the proposition?” I stroked her face with my knuckle.
“If it causes friction between us, then I am against it.” She moved her hand up my leg, seeking fingers moving to my inner thigh. We needed to heal our broken hearts and regain the closeness we’d once shared. “What is your honest opinion?”
“I would welcome it as long as it is feasible.” I halted her hand before she could distract me with her touch. I had to finish my thoughts and get everything out in the open. “It is my turn to apologize. I acted like a jealous fool and blamed you for something that happened twenty years ago. In my defense, I had been living under a misconception and it was like a kick in the stomach to acknowledge all was not perfect in our marriage.”
“We were both to blame and Flynn rightly called us on it. I love him, I won’t deny it. Thus, I am asking you again, will this pose a problem for you? Because as much as I love the play between the three of us, I will be equally happy with the two of us exploring our passions without restrictions.”
“I think we can find a balance between both.” I lifted her hand and kissed the back of it. The carriage slowed, the outside light swaying.
“We need to be discreet. I would hate for word of our unique situation to leak and cause a scandal,” she said.
“Our friendship will help guard us from scrutiny. It is not unusual for Flynn and his daughters to spend time at our house every night. We will simply have to be more inventive to avoid discovery.” The small smile playing around her mouth drew me in. Seduction went both ways, and I began to ply her lovely mouth with sensual kisses.
The carriage halted, the vehicle rocking as the coachman jumped down from his perch.
“Shall we go inside?” I asked, reluctantly removing my arm from her shoulders.
