Lifting my hand to shade my eyes against the early morning sunshine reflecting off the Thames, I walked into the boathouse where several skiffs were kept in racks along the wooden walls. Two men stood by a two-man rowboat tied to the end of the dock. The familiar faces of Flynn and another man who took care of our equipment greeted me with a smile. Flynn and I had been on the rowing team at Oxford, and we and our mates met most mornings.
“Good morning,” Flynn said. He was a bit taller than me and broader built. He wore an outfit similar to mine, a brown coat and white canvas trousers. He’d been noticeably absent since my anniversary dinner but he had returned for the proposal. Nigel and Flynn were very close.
The lines around his eyes crinkled when he smiled, highlighting his warm brown eyes. I averted my own, trying to push the thoughts out of my head that had been crowding there of late. I didn’t want to feel this again. He was my friend, and I couldn’t avoid him. I needed to deal with my suppressed desires.
“Good morning. I am glad to see you back,” I replied. Summer had set in early, and I was looking forward to Parliament letting out so I could retire to my estate. Once within its familiar walls, I hoped to get my mind back on track.Everything was changing, and I wasn’t sure if I liked it. “The water looks very calm this morning.”
“Yes, perfect rowing conditions.” Flynn climbed into the narrow two-man boat, the vessel rocking back and forth from his weight. “I’m afraid it’s only us this morning. Fitzroy sent a message around canceling, and I’m sure you know why Nigel isn’t here.”
I nodded and picked up the oars that were perched on the dock. Flynn followed my lead, settling himself in the seat in front of me. He gripped his oars, the blade hovering above the water in preparation for our outing. The water rippled under the boat from his weight.
“He is most certainly gearing up for our interview tomorrow.”
Flynn turned to look at me over his shoulder, his grin wide. “Are you ready?”
“To row or for my daughter to get married?” I didn’t want to notice his smile or the way his eyes sparkled with an inner light. He was a man, and I was a man, yet I couldn’t help wondering what it would be like to kiss him again.
“Both.” Flynn continued to look at me, his gaze falling to my mouth for a brief second.
A lustful spark ignited in my blood and I gripped the handles until my knuckles were white. Was he thinking about that night we spent together after I learned of my father’s death? I had tucked it into the back of my mind with no intention of revitalizing our encounter. My vows to Eleanor were sacred, yet I couldn’t help recalling the raw passion my intimacies with Flynn had evoked.
“Shall we start? I had to move my schedule around for Nigel’s appointment on Thursday, so I am scrambling to fit two afternoons into one. Unfortunately, I had no other availability until next week and the children don’t wish to wait to bemarried.” My words came out in a rush, and I stared off into the horizon to avoid his gaze. Like us, this was a popular spot for rowing clubs to use. There were at least six other boats on the water besides us. When we were on the rowing team at Oxford, Flynn was the stroke. For the good of the team, we worked together in tandem.
In unison, we began to row. With his handsome face and form, people tended to gravitate toward him. Of the two of us, Flynn was the more commanding person. It came naturally to him. Not to me. I had learned over the years to be more aggressive simply because it was required of me. But I tried to treat everyone around me with respect. Leading well wasn’t about being the strongest. It was about being the most adaptable.
“If you wish.” Flynn turned back around, giving me some relief from my mad thoughts.
The oarlocks creaked as the surface of the blade touched the water. Flynn counted off until we developed a rhythm. Usually, mornings were my favorite time of the day. Today, I was having a hard time enjoying myself.
“Nigel is very nervous about the proposal, which I find ironic since the contracts were all but completed last month,” Flynn said.
“In their minds, this makes the proposal more romantic.” I couldn’t think of a better man for my daughter to marry. “She tells me they would like to get married fairly quickly.”
“Are you opposed to that?” Flynn asked, pulling smoothly on his oars.
“No, it just feels sudden, even though we know it’s not sudden. They have been sweet on each other for many years.”
“Indeed they have. How has Eleanor taken all this in? I assume she’s very excited about planning a wedding.”
“She was crying, which is not unusual, but she was hiding a letter from me and was rather secretive about it. She said it was an invitation, but who writes a letter inviting someone somewhere when a simple card will do?” As soon as the words crossed my lips, I wished I could take them back. However, Flynn was my best friend, and I needed a friendly ear to listen to my concerns.
Flynn turned his head for a brief second, his brow furrowed. “It does sound suspect, or it could simply be a very long-winded invitation.”
“Perhaps I am overreacting. However, she’s been different lately. It’s almost like I don’t know her anymore.” Once the words were out, the situation started to clarify in my mind. “I’m concerned she, well, I’m concerned she might not love me anymore.”
When I had kissed her on the forehead the previous morning in a sign of affection, she’d stiffened, glaring at me after the fact. Then, there was the matter of the letter she hid from me, coupled with her speaking of the waiter at the Stratham with marked familiarity. It was a stab to my heart every time I thought about it. The spark in our marriage had dimmed. That was to be expected over time, but the complete void of emotional connection had blindsided me.
“Do you think she is having an affair?” Flynn asked, stopping his rowing and twisting in his seat to look at me.
“I don’t know.” She had hidden that letter awfully fast, and tried to move Nigel’s interview for some undisclosed reason. “I never pegged her for the type.”
“I considered finding a mistress after Mary died.” The shoulders of his coat strained on his forward motions and loosened upon retraction as he resumed rowing. He kept his head forward, his entire body moving in rhythm with my movements. Many men of our station had mistresses.
“I have never felt the need to seek out anyone save Eleanor.” I had refrained because she was the only one I wanted to be with. Other desires occupied the forefront of my mind. And those desires had started with Flynn. “I am beginning to question her happiness with the status quo.” And my own. The effort of the row made my voice breathier than I liked. “The distance between us seems to be widening and I am unsure what to do.”
The ebb and flow of each stroke played across every muscle, stretching my arms and torso before my thighs were in play once more. I was glad we were having this conversation on the water so I could use the motion to soothe my jangled nerves.
“You looked rather enamored of each other during your anniversary party.” The wind whipped at his hair, the tips of his ears red from the coolness of the morning.
