Much as I wanted to lift my hand and caress her cheek, I didn’t, mainly because Jasmine wouldn’t like that.She didn’t like the idea of dating, something she’d told me back before I took her to bed.The bed I’d left in the middle of the night, so the kids didn’t ask either of us hard questions.
I’d made a mistake then, and my tactical error put Jasmine on the defensive.She believed I’d only wanted physical release.
She didn’t know I’d never wanted a casual fling, especially with her.I yearned for commitment.Love.Contentment.A relationship and a partnership, something I hadn’t known existed until Nash and Aya reunited.
Yeah, my son taught me things every day.I couldn’t wait for the new lessons.
“You have to,” she snapped.
“Why?”
“Because…”
“Because you’re embarrassed you slept with me?”I couldn’t help the hurt that crept into my tone.Her mouth settled into an unforgiving expression until she caught sight of my face.She sighed and shook her head, her gaze softening.
“No, Steve.I don’t regret that night.It was…”
“Beautiful.Perfect.Like you.”
A blush stained her cheeks as she forced a chuckle.“I think you hit the eggnog too hard.”
I gripped the Formica countertop on either side of her.“I haven’t had any.”
She returned her focus to me.“I’m too old for you.”
“No, you’re not.”That argument caused restlessness to dance over my skin.“And I hate that you do that.”
Levi squawked, clearly annoyed to have suddenly woken.Nash rose from the couch, clasping his squirming, crying baby to his chest as he crooned.
I stared, as I always did, shocked by the ease with which Nash showed his affection.If I’d done that with him when he was a lost teen, Nash wouldn’t have turned toward drugs and alcohol.If I’d known how to show him even an ounce of the love bubbling inside, he would have had much happier school years.But I hadn’t known he was my boy—and I still didn’t know how to love properly.
“Stop that.”
I blinked, glancing down at Jasmine.“What?”
“Brooding.You and I both know you can’t change the past.”
I swallowed the too-big pill as I nodded.
“Plus,” she said, pulling out a cutting board and pointing toward some vegetables sitting in the colander, washed, and waiting to be cut.I took the hint and started chopping.
“Plus?”I asked when she remained silent.
“If things had gone differently then, they might not have the love they do now.And what these kids found is worth its weight in gold.”
I nodded again, knowing she was right, but still unhappy with my choices.Why did expressing emotion have to be so hard?
I shuddered, the steel blade of the chef’s knife coming close to my fingers.I pulled back and heaved a breath, needing a moment as I tried to force images of my father’s abuse from my mind.
I felt her hand on my arm; the warmth seeped through the cold that tried to encase me.
“You okay?”
No.I hadn’t been okay in years.Maybe ever.That’s why I signed up to join the Army before I was eighteen, desperate to get away from the suffering and pain.“Yeah, sure.”
“Steve—”
I shrugged off her hand.“It’s nothing.And you’re right.I won’t push anymore.”
