He’d set me right back into reality when he up and left my bed so the kids wouldn’t find out he’d been in it.
I turned away because I didn’t want Jenna to see the hurt that must shine in my eyes.
For the first time in decades, my heart had tangled with a man.It had been a heady rush, and I’d been half-way in love with Steve…until he smashed my burgeoning dreams and my heart to bits.
Chapter2
Steve
Even in the noisy kitchen heated past too warm and scented with all the delicious foods we’d been preparing for the last few hours, Jasmine wouldn’t look at me.The kids’ laughter spilled in from the living room where Jasmine shooed them to a short time ago.She’d noted Jenna’s fatigue and maneuvered the pretty blonde out of the large, scrubbed space.The kitchen was tired with older countertops and oak cabinets, thick on the grain—definitely not updated and sleek like my son’s or Jasmine’s kids’ kitchens.But this space was charming in a way those newer, chicer versions couldn’t match.With its large Mason jars of ingredients and the bright splash of lime green for her coffee pot and stand mixer, Jasmine’s kitchen felt homey, like a safe space to sip tea and spill secrets.
What the hell was I going on about?I didn’t share my secrets; they were more like shames, anyway.I needed to get out of this room, but I couldn’t—didn’t.
Tension coiled in my belly as I willed her to face me, but she’d turned ignoring me into an art form no one else seemed to notice.
For such a tiny thing, she sure made her presence known.She was the shortest woman in the group—probably only five-two—and I’d be surprised if she weighed more than a buck, even.Her figure was supple, her arms lightly muscled and tanned, no doubt from the work she did with the horses she’d sold for the past thirty-some-odd years to neighboring ranches, and, more lucratively, to rodeo hopefuls.
I only knew Jasmine dyed her hair because Aya had mentioned it once, but I liked the rich mahogany she had chosen.It suited her refined features and inquisitive, insightful eyes.
I wanted to stare at her hair now, but I forced my gaze away.No sense in getting caught yearning for something I couldn’t have.
And I couldn’t have Jasmine, even if I did dream of her—often.Already tonight, I’d caught a thoughtful look from Jenna a time or two, but the poor girl was struggling under the weight of grief to pay me too much mind.
That’s how I liked it.
Not Jenna’s grief, but me, flying under the radar.Way under, if possible, where I’d be able to help my family if needed but, otherwise, people left me alone.
Still, in this instance, I wanted Jasmine’s full attention.Each time I caught her gaze, Jasmine’s pretty eyes reflected hurt and resilience before she casually looked away.Those emotions I understood all too well.She’d tripped and fallen once or twice with her family, but she’d pulled them all back into her loving embrace…something I still worked on with Nash.
I shook my head as my attention turned back to my son.
My son.
A music phenomenon.Even after all these years, his fame awed me.It also overwhelmed me, and I’d hated that I’d gotten tongue-tied with other performers or felt that my humble origins made me lesser than the rich assholes Nash hobnobbed with.
Worse yet, my insecurities almost cost my boy his life.
But he was here now, hearty and happy.That was enough.As I soaked in Nash’s presence, I felt humbled, and my chest warmed.This moment, to be included in his family…what more could I possibly ask for?
Nash pressed a kiss to Aya’s temple, snuggling her tighter to his side, his hand draped over both her and the small form of their son as he slept against her chest in a strip of cloth I still didn’t trust to keep Levi’s tiny body safe.Both Nash and Aya assured me it was, but…fuck.Levi was so small.Defenseless.Just like Nash had been when he’d lived with his stepfather.
Emotions rose and popped in my chest, each one headier than the last, making me dizzy.I’d left my son with a monster.
Suffocating anger, grief, and regret wrapped around me, but I pushed them down again—just as I always did.None of that emotion could escape the tightly bound control I’d learned to exert on it.I’d seen what it could do; I’d felt how virulent that negativity could be.
I wouldn’t allow that to spill over into this beautiful family, onto these loving people.
One deep breath, two.Slowly, the vise eased and I could move past those feelings.Nash was safe, and Aya loved him.He loved her just as much.They had a baby boy, who I got to help raise.
In our smaller family unit, Aya held us all together, not unlike Jasmine in the Grace family.And…I was back to yearning for even a glance from the woman next to me.
My gaze swung back to Jasmine.If she only knew how much I desired her.It was a consuming passion that was more irritating at my age of fifty than romantic.
“Stop looking at me like that,” she whispered as she passed me, the air carrying the soft floral scent of her perfume.
I turned in a quick move, caging her between the counter and the stove.
“I can’t.”And that pissed me off.
