At least I could offer some solace and wisdom.
“I’m so sorry that happened to you, my lovely girl.”
“Me, too.”She sniffled.“But I’mso angryat myself—at my past choices—that made my body fail me.Worse, I failed Cam.”A fresh gush of tears spilled down her cheeks.
If there was one thing I knew to be true, it was that Jenna and Cam were as close and connected as Jensen and I had been.So, when one hurt, the other bled.And if one felt they’d wronged the other, the fallout was so much worse.
Jenna couldn’t forgive herself for hurting Cam, and Cam couldn’t let go of the fact he’d pushed Jenna to this place.Getting past this issue was necessary if they were going to heal.
“Oh, sugar pie, you didn’t fail Cam.In fact, he’s in my kitchen, beating himself up with wallops of guilt, thinking he failedyoubecause he asked you to try for another child.”
Jenna’s hands fisted, and her eyes turned fierce.Jenna wouldalwaysprotect Cam and Cash.“That’s…that’s utter, rottenpicklejuice!”
I slid my lips past my teeth to keep from smiling.Jenna was colorful in her commentary.It rarely made sense to anyone but her, but darn if she wasn’t cute when she was lit with fire.
“Might be, but that doesn’t change the fact he’s terribly worried about you.”
Some of the starch slipped out of her posture as she considered my words.She picked up the mug, cradling it in her hands.“I’ll talk to him.”
“Good.”I scooted over and wrapped my arm around her shoulder, just as I had for her husband earlier.“Want me to call your mama?”
Jenna sniffled.“No.I want you.And Cam.And Cash.I want…I want to not feel so broken.My mother…well, she can’t understand like you do.”
“She loves you, darling girl.”
“I know, but she never fails at anything.”
Except at loving you, at putting you before her husband.I didn’t say the words, but they were there in my mind.
“I hate being like this.Feeling like this,” Jenna said through clenched teeth.
She turned into my shoulder and sobbed.But these, even more so than that first bout, were healthy tears.I held her, adding a few of my own, until she wore herself out.
“Mama?”she asked, her voice raspy.
“Yes?”
“Do you think… Am I greedy for wanting another baby?”
I couldn’t help but smile.“No, sugar pie, you’re not.You don’t yet feel your family is complete, that’s all.”
She raised her head and licked her lips.Cam would be beside himself if he saw her now.Jenna’s face was red, splotchy, her eyes puffy and bloodshot.But her expression was calmer.Her body wasn’t drawn as taut…as if waiting for the next blow.She was doing the hard work of accepting, and I wished more than anything, once again, that I could take that burden from her.
“How do you know?”she rasped.
“Know what?”I sat back enough so I could see her face.As expected, the much-needed cry had ravaged her features.Her lids were swollen and her eyes bloodshot.Her cheeks were wet from her tears and splotchy.Her nose ran.
She looked much better than when I’d arrived.I smiled as I tucked her hair behind her ear, then reached forward and grabbed her a few tissues from the container on the coffee table.She offered me a smile as she daintily dabbed her nose with one before using another to mop her face.
After she blew her nose, she settled back against the cushions.I handed her the mug of cocoa, and she sipped.I did the same.
After a moment of companionable quiet.Jenna settled the mug on her chest and peered at me.“How do you know when your family is complete?”
“Well…” My chest ached.I looked down at my hands wrapped around the travel mug.I didn’t recognize them sometimes.They were older, the first age spots on the backs of them, the skin thinner and dryer than they used to be.“I don’t rightly know.I…er…well, I never got to that feeling myself.”
Jenna’s eyes widened.“You wantedmorekids?”
I smiled, the glow of love rising up with a sharp speed that left my chest warmed as wonderful memories danced through my mind.“Oh, I could have had a dozen.I loved the diapers and midnight feedings and ripped knees and the hooting and hollering while the boys bulldozed down the hall.Well, Cam bulldozed,” I added with a soft smile.“Carter followed.”
