He smiled, flashing a deep dimple in his right cheek. “Tell your man to send me some more tickets.”
I laughed. “I’ll see what I can do.”
We said our goodbyes soon after, and the ride back toward downtown with Lennon was quiet. I stared out the window, trying to decide how best to broach the conversation.
“I should check in with your mom.”
He nodded. “I did. She said she’s feeling fine and going to bed soon.”
Of course he had that covered. Lennon cared deeply for his mom and would never compromise her well-being; I didn’t need to worry about that.
“Oh, okay. Great.” I took a deep breath. “I lashed out at you, and that wasn’t fair. I’m sorry.”
He glanced over at me. “It’s okay.”
I dropped my gaze to my lap, twisting my shirt between my fingers. “No, it’s not. You’ve been nothing but honest and thoughtful toward me since I arrived. I told you our past was past, but I’m the one struggling to let it go.”
He remained silent, but I knew he was listening intently.
“I’m afraid, Lennon. Even though I shouldn’t be. My dad bailed when I was young because a whiny little kid didn’t fit into his fighter-pilot persona.” I swallowed. “That’s my memory of him.” Tears pushed against the back of my eyes. “My only memory.”
“Vivi, that’s… That sucks.”
I nodded. “It does. And then I lost my mom. She was my anchor, my friend. I was twenty years old and alone.” I swiped at my cheeks. “Then…I met you, and it was a dream, a beautiful, perfect dream…”
He cursed. “And I disappeared from your life.”
“Yeah. It’s just…I don’t trust this.” I squeezed my eyes shut. “That’s not fair to you. I know it’s not. But how can I trust what you say now when…”
“Ah, Vivi. I get it.”
We were quiet. I wasn’t sure how to bridge this even bigger moat I’d created. I stared out the window, miserable. His voice startled me.
“I’m taking you to my condo. I’d like you to come upstairs so we can talk some more—if you’re willing. And comfortable.”
“Okay.”
Once he’d parked in his spot, he came around to help me out of the too-high passenger seat and then opened the back door for Belladonna, who hopped down with ease. We remained silent as we headed up to his place.
After opening the door for me, Lennon followed me in and flicked on the lights. Belladonna beelined to her large, plush doggie bed in front of a set of picture windows with views of the Houston skyline. She flopped down with a heartfelt sigh. She had played hard and was clearly looking forward to a comfy sleep.
“Want a drink?” Lennon asked.
I shook my head. I was tired, both physically and emotionally, though it was the emotional fatigue that gave me pause. I didn’t want to get so wrapped up in my own drama that I didn’t give Lola the care she deserved.
He gestured toward the couches and settled in the corner. “I spent the rest of the drive thinking about what you said,” he began, “about how things have gone between us from the beginning.” He scrubbed his hand over his beard. “I also heard part of what Tobias told you—about wanting to control situations. I think…that’s gotten more important to me since the attack.”
His brown eyes met mine, and I saw shadows move in their depths. “I care about you, Vivian. A lot.” He shook his head. “I’m in love with you.” His shoulders relaxed. “I love you. I hated the threats to your safety and happiness. I’d gladly take another beating if it meant keeping you safe and whole.”
I leaned closer and cupped his cheek. He turned his head and kissed my palm.
“But I can’t make decisions for you the way I’ve been doing with how fast and how far to take our relationship—that’s stifling, and it’s forgetting the cardinal rule of treating others as I want to be treated. I appreciate that you don’t coddle me or my mom. You’re factual while still warm when you share information, even when it’s not the best news. I want to be like that with you. Because I respect you. And I love you.” He released a breath his eyes holding mine.
Some of the tension and misery eased from me. “My turn?” I asked.
“Yeah.”
“I love you, too, Lennon. I have since that first night we spent together in Michigan. I wanted to stop when you quit talking to me, but I couldn’t. I wanted to stop when I decided to come out here, but I couldn’t. I’m pretty sure I’ll always love you, because you’re so fiercely protective, even as you’re tender and loving.”
