Vivian’s eyes shone. “I love this idea.” She rose on her tiptoes and kissed me. I couldn’t help but take control. I nipped at her lower lip until she let me in. My tongue slipped into her mouth as I tilted my head, taking what I needed while giving her all of me in return.
I just hoped it was enough.
She whimpered into my mouth, clutching my shoulders. I brought her flush against my chest, her breasts rubbing against my pecs. We both groaned.
I eased back when I felt Belladonna brush my leg. It took a few heartbeats to remember where I was. I blinked into the fading daylight, trying to even out my heart rate and cool my ardor.
Vivian’s breath hitched. “Lennon?”
“Mm?”
“I’m ready. It’s time. I can’t wait anymore.” She rocked back on her heels, her expression morphing through emotions. “If you reject me today, I’m not going to ask you again.” She bit her lip, her eyes stormy. “It’ll be way too mortifying.” She sucked in a long, slow breath and met my gaze. “I need to know you want me too.”
Chapter 28
Chapter
Vivian
* * *
Lennon’s eyes widened. “You don’t know that I want you?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know what to think. I know we’ve had things to figure out, but there have been a lot of mixed signals, and…” I crossed my arms. “I don’t want to play games.” Does that even make sense? I turned away, feeling my cheeks heat. “Excuse me, please. I need some space.”
Lennon looked like he might follow as I walked out onto the lawn, but he was smart enough to respect my feelings. I sighed as I made my rounds, petting dogs and talking to their humans.
I smiled at Aldo and Tobias when I got to the large deck at the back of their brewery. “Your space is beautiful, and the food was excellent,” I told them.
“Glad you liked it,” Aldo said. “Cruiser went to a lot of effort to make this happen.”
My stomach curdled with something akin to shame. I was sexually frustrated and feeling unsure in my relationship—what I wanted, what I needed—and I’d taken it out on Lennon. That wasn’t fair. He’d spent time and money and effort on today for me. And he was going slow because he wanted to build something real, earn my trust—which I wanted too. What had come over me earlier? I rubbed my forehead, wishing I could get out of my own damn head and just…go with this.
But, dammit. I was afraid.
Terrified.
My dad hadn’t wanted me. My mom was gone. Lennon had left me before. We’d talked it through, and his explanation made sense, but something inside me remained stubbornly unsure. Anytime I loved someone, they disappeared. I shook my head, trying to push past that thought.
“You look unhappy,” Tobias said. He shot Aldo a glance, and his brother clicked at the dogs, who rose and followed him down the steps and out into the yard. All around us, people were packing their blankets and cleaning up.
“Just…unsettled,” I said.
He hummed. “I understand that feeling. When I came home, after my surgeries and initial recovery, I was told I would need to rely on family until I was able to get my prosthetics. I was grateful but also frustrated. We’re human, which means complex. We often have multiple emotions at once. The hard part is when those emotions don’t mesh, and we have to do the hard work of finding ways to knit them together.”
“How did you do that?” I asked.
He shrugged. “Candid conversations with my brother, since he was my main caregiver. And realizing that what I wanted the world to be wasn’t how it was actually going to be. Somehow, I thought I was in total control of my life, which is total BS. None of us is. Ever. Because random shit happens, whether it’s a helo malfunction.” He waved up and down his body. “Or a relationship or a job—or hell, getting a disease. We can try to mitigate risks, but you can’t account for every dumbass who answers a text or changes the radio station or sneezes.”
I nodded. “You’re right. But wasn’t ceding the semblance of control hard?”
“Oh, yeah.” Tobias chuckled. “Hardest thing I’ve ever done—way more effort than re-learning to walk.” He leaned closer. “But I gotta tell you, it’s really freeing once you manage it. I can control my reactions some of the time, and that’s as good as any of us can do, really.”
I took his prosthetic hand in both of mine and squeezed. “Thank you for that. I needed to hear it.”
“And Arlo’s right, Cruz is really pulling out the stops. Seems like he messed up before, but that doesn’t mean he’s not invested in your relationship. He’s just…well, not as good at following his emotions as you are. That’s not an excuse, just the reality we were born into.”
I nodded again. “I hear what you’re saying.” I smiled. “And I need to take your advice and be as emotionally intelligent as you’ve been. Thanks again, Tobias. I hope to see you again soon.”
