We were opposites in many ways, except when it came to each other. In that, we’d always been in sync. And after a few minutes, we once again fell into an easy rhythm of Paxton cutting and chopping and mixing while I ordered him around.
We made omelets with avocado, spinach, tomato, and bacon and then a thick stack of whole-wheat power pancakes held together with bananas, topped with sliced strawberries and blueberries.
While we worked, we discussed Paxton’s upcoming game schedule and my new position, which I’d start on Monday. It was companionable—nice. It was everything I’d missed and yearned for the past few years.
After Paxton had demolished the majority of both dishes and proclaimed the expensive range more than worth it, he sat back in his chair and stared at me over the rim of his second and last cup of coffee. “Would you be willing to come to our game on Tuesday? I know you’re just starting your job and it may be a lot, but you can sit in the owner’s box with Gunnar—I asked him, and he’s delighted to host you. There’s plenty of food, and you’ll have more room to stretch your leg than if you’re down in the stands. I can drive you home afterward, if you want to wait for me.”
Instead of answering his question, I asked, “How are you going to get around if I have your car?”
“Well, I have another vehicle. But more than likely I’ll have one of the guys swing by and pick me up. There’s a reason we’re all in this neighborhood.”
I smiled at him as I set my knife and fork at the edge of my plate, aligned just so, as my mother had always insisted. She’d been a stickler for proper etiquette. It was a habit I’d chosen to maintain after her death.
Most of her habits I hadn’t liked—including the berating and belittling she often did of me and Aiki. It was no wonder my brother had turned to substances. Living with a person who never saw you as good enough, never praised you or said they loved you—that messed with self-confidence and the ability to be open to new relationships.
I still had some stuff to work out and through.
“I’d love to come to your game,” I told him, pushing my concerns away. Paxton hadn’t asked me to do something I didn’t want to do. Supporting him and his work was important, and he’d shown a great capacity for cheering me on; I could and would offer him the same. “Let’s plan on that. But I might be a little late. I really want to learn the applications the team’s using so I can be up to speed and helpful when they do the next simulation.”
Paxton nodded. “Of course. That’s in late March, right?”
I smiled because he was just as interested in the work I was doing as I was. “Yes. Dr. Gerenstein said we’ll test some of my theory on the alloys to keep them from getting too cold and brittle in space. Up to now, it’s all been theoretical because I haven’t had access to the practical application.”
“Even with Space Elevated?”
“Nope. We had simulations, but nothing as state of the art as the zero-gravity lab here.”
“You’re great at math, so I’m sure you nailed it,” Paxton said. He glanced at the clock. I raised my eyebrows.
“We were invited over to Cormac and Keelie’s for a barbecue. That is, if you’re interested…”
My smile widened. “Oh yeah, let’s go. After I clean this up?—”
“I’ll clean up,” Paxton said firmly. “You made the food?—”
“You helped!”
“And I enjoyed eating it. Now you can get ready or relax, whatever you want, while I clean up in here. Then we’ll head on over, okay?”
* * *
And that’show we spent the next couple of weeks: enjoying each other’s company, me attending Paxton’s home games and discussing my work with him on the late-night rides home. We no longer slept together because Paxton respected my need for time and space, and I restrained from inviting him in. I missed him in the bed, but the time to get to know each other was invaluable.
Whenever Paxton was within reach, I found myself touching him Typically, it was just being close, but he liked to hold hands or sling his arm over my shoulders. I loved placing my palm on his thick, hard thigh when we sat on the couch.
It was a slow dance of reconnecting and letting the thrum of desire reach a fever pitch between us. I loved every second of our intricate maneuvering. The euphoria of falling in love with Paxton all over again spilled into my work, letting me connect more easily with my new teammates.
Everything was going well, yet I couldn’t help that niggle of doubt that kept slithering into my consciousness. It kept asking me if I deserved to be this happy when it had been my choice to leave school that day that had inadvertently caused my mother’s death.
Chapter21
Hana
Istared at the Wildcatters hockey game on the TV screen, unseeing. The CATS and I sat in Paxton’s living room—my house, too, as I’d been living with him for nearly six weeks now, though there were days at a time when I didn’t see him, thanks to his busy travel schedule. The guys were mere weeks from the playoffs and well positioned for a strong run at the Stanley Cup.
And I was busy wishing I hadn’t set the boundaries between us, because I really, really,reallywanted to have sex with Paxton.
Really.
