After my shower and a fresh set of clothes over my brace, I squared my shoulders and headed into the empty bedroom. I blinked. Where was Paxton? Didn’t he want to talk? We should talk.
My nose twitched at the scent of coffee. I headed down the stairs, holding the banister for support. Paxton was in the kitchen, his damp hair curling at his neck and ears. He wore track pants and a dark T-shirt that had been washed one too many times to call it black.
“Hey,” he said cautiously. He raised his mug and took a sip, seemingly so he didn’t say anything else. After setting it down, he picked up another thick, ceramic mug and offered it to me. The tea tag fluttered, and I noted that it was a brand of breakfast tea I’d preferred when I was in college.
Warmth saturated my chest as I realized how hard he was trying. Still, my steps were hesitant as I eased toward him, accepting the offering. Our fingers brushed, and his pupils dilated as I took a breath.
The air between us seemed to crackle as we stared at each other. Eventually his face softened, and he stepped back, leaving me bereft and thankful—two mutually exclusive options that were somehow deeply connected. Emotions were hard to grapple with, but I needed to do so.
“So…” I began. I took a fortifying sip of tea, wincing slightly at the heat on my palate. “So…I don’t regret what we did.”
Paxton’s chest expanded and his Adam’s apple dipped. “Good.” His voice was rough, a bit scratchy with emotion. “Good. I don’t either.”
“We still have incredible chemistry.”
Paxton nodded as he lowered his mug. A drop of coffee settled in the dip between the two halves of his lower lip, and I fantasized about leaning up to lick it off. Instead, I sipped from my mug.
“But we’re going at a breakneck speed, and you want to take things slower,” he said. “Be more measured, right?”
I stared at Paxton, and my heart cried out thatno, I should shove him against the wall and ravish him. I yearned to feel him inside me, surrounding me, loving and cherishing me.
But that wasn’t smart. That was falling back into the previous pattern that had left me in a hospital bed in tears. It was my turn to heave a deep, cleansing breath. “I don’t blame you for my accident,” I said, because it needed saying. He wasn’t responsible, and I should alleviate any guilt he felt. “Aiki drove that car into the other driver. Aiki insisted on coming with my mother. Aiki is the reason my leg’s never going to be the same.”
That needed to be said, too.
Paxton settled his hips against the counter behind him, seeming to wait patiently for me to finish my thought and work through my emotions.
“So, yeah. That’sthatpart of our current situation—the past we needed to work through. And I have to say, jumping back into an intimate relationship with you would be satisfying,” I told him.
Paxton’s lips quirked in that partial grin I loved so much.
“But it would also mean I’ve fully accepted and forgiven you,” I continued. “That I’m ready to move forward.” I cleared my throat and forced myself to meet Paxton’s sad eyes. “I’m not there yet.”
His lush lips compressed. “I get that. Irespectthat. Which is why I suggested you come here, stay with me—get to know me again. I’m not going to pressure you, Hana. It’s too important for us to be together. I won’t push you for even some delicious sex before you’re ready. I don’t want you to have doubts you can’t overcome. I’ll be here for you, and for now, that’s as a friend. Just know that I want more. Much more than that.” He paused a moment, and then laid his last cards on the table. “I want forever. For us to be a family, whatever form that takes. Kids, no kids, fur kids…whatever we decide works for us. That’s what I want, with you.”
I nodded because my throat was too tight for words.
“I need more than that, Hana,” he said after a moment.
I took another sip of my tea and cleared my throat. “I’m pretty sure I want that, too, with you. I just need—I need time, Pax. To trust in this, in loving you, again.”
“Can you say it?” he asked hesitantly. He swallowed, his Adam’s apple dipping low. “Please.”
I knew what he needed, because I’d needed the words as well as the actions. I needed it all, and I should have known he did, too. “I love you, Paxton.”
He closed his eyes and every muscle in his face, then in his shoulders, relaxed. “I love you, too.”
Before I figured out what to say, Paxton’s stomach rumbled loudly. He placed a hand against it and grimaced. “Any chance I can talk you into firing up this insane contraption so we can eat something?”
I set my mug aside with a smile. “If you’re sure…”
“It was for you, Han. Of course I’m sure.”
Delight danced across my skin. “Yeah, I’d love to whip up something. What do you want? Eggs? An omelet? Pancakes?”
“Yes,” Paxton moaned, clutching his abdomen. I noted the faint ridges of muscle as the shirt settled there. He was built for explosive speed and precision, pretty much the opposite of me.
That was okay. I was small next to his large frame. I was quieter next to his voice for opinions and feelings. I was cautious while he was more than willing to jump quickly into something he cared about.
