The mere thought made my stomach cramp and turn.
Soon Jeremy would figure out that I was throwing excuses to keep from taking him to my home and my bed. I just didn’t want him—not as my lover or my partner, not even as my boss.
But he’d been one of the few people interested in me after I recovered enough from multiple surgeries to seek a job. I’d managed to complete my degree from my hospital bed, the only blessing being that the boredom—and the inability to move—had helped me whiz through more classes than I’d been able to take in person.
I should’ve been more thankful for everything Jeremy had done for me. It was a lot. Jeremy Dorring was brilliant and ambitious. He’d already started a company and had a multimillion-dollar investment in his project that would make it easier for humans on Earth to ship materials to the moon. The work was engaging, cutting edge. But brilliance and an attractive exterior didnothingfor me these days. I traced another raindrop. I just wanted…what?
The answer came quickly. I wanted to feel happy. Alive.
“Well, then, why don’t I get you a cup of tea? That’ll be soothing. Green, right?”
I managed not to roll my eyes. Green tea wouldn’t soothe my leg. Worse, I hated green tea. It was bitter, my mother’s favorite drink. Still, I smiled and nodded, mainly because I wanted Jeremy to go away.
How unfair of me… But the need to be alone expanded, pressing on my nerve endings, making me want to scream.
Jeremy’s footsteps drifted down the hall toward the community break room. I sighed in relief. I wasn’t sure how I was going to get through the rest of this day, let alone the rest of the year—or next year. I shut my eyes and breathed deeply, slowly, as I tried to ease the tension in my shoulders and neck.
I didn’t want to spend my life working in this world. I didn’t care about the physics or money related to a moon ladder. I just, I wanted?—
“Hey, man. How are you? Have you seen Hana Sato?”
I gasped as I leaped to my feet, then stumbled as my brace dug into the flesh of my thigh. I shifted my balance because that leg couldn’t bear the weight without proper support. No! No, no,no.
I slipped my hands under my skirt and shifted the metal that kept the sides stiff, repositioning it so the cloth settled against my skin as it was supposed to. But thanks to my sudden movement, my leg began to ache.
“Who’s asking?” Jeremy’s tone was belligerent.
“We’re friends. Old friends. I grew up a couple of houses from her. I really need to get in touch with her now. It’s important.”
No, we weren’t friends.We were lovers, soulmates, but now—for the last three years—we werenothing.
But Jeremy must have decided Pax was telling the truth, because he said, “Lab Two, on the left.”
Before I could decide what to do, Pax was there, filling up the doorway, bigger and more beautiful than I remembered.
“Hana,” he said.
I tucked in on myself, trying to disappear. I didn’t want him here, not in my space, my life—except I did want to see him. I just didn’t want him to see me. Not like this, because I wasn’t close to being at my best. Worse still, I’d been pining for him, the one who’d created the grief in my life.
This, this wasn’t—no! He couldn’t be here with those soulful eyes and that earnest, even worried expression on his face.
I focused my attention on the keyboard, mouse, and stapler resting on its laminated surface.
“Hana, please. I know I shouldn’t have come to your work, but I desperately need to talk?—”
I didn’t even realize I’d picked up the stapler until I released it from my hand. I gaped, shocked, sickened, as it flew through the air, straight toward Paxton Naese’s beautiful, rugged face.
* * *
Pax must have beenoff his game, because while he raised his arm, the plastic edge still caught his cheek, flaying the skin open. The offending office supply fell to the floor with a clatter, and we both stared at it. It was safer than looking at him.
I was furious, shocked, and my entire body shook. My teeth chattered. “Oh, oh my…” I whispered, my fingers coming to my lips. “I’m sorry. I’mso sorry. That waswrongof me. I didn’t think, didn’t mean…”But didn’t I?
He gave a nervous chuckle. “Still got that good softball arm, and your aim’s spot-on.”
I straightened my shoulders and set my chin. “No. I don’t. I gave that up years ago.” Along with most other physical activity because my leg can’t handle it. I was lucky they’d been able to save the mangled mess.
This is me now: an automaton who inputs data for a program she doesn’t care about for a life she doesn’t want.
