I nodded. “Well, not the miscarriage but missing Hana and realizing I was the one who fucked up my happy, which, to point out, I had before any of you guys.”
“Heavy weight to bear,” Cruz said. “No wonder you’ve been melancholy.”
“Who the hell uses words likemelancholy?” Stol asked, cutting his eyes my way. He was trying to ease the heaviness I’d created, and I appreciated his effort.
“I do, pissant, because it’s a good word,” Cruz said. He looked ready to damage Stolly’s pretty face.
“It is,” Maxim said, stroking his chin. “I like this one. And it suits Naese. He’s like the dude in that movie Ida Jane made me watch—the English one with the long, flappy coats and horses.”
“Outlander?” Stol asked. “Millie’s wild for that one. Loves the dudes in kilts.”
“Keelie likes that one, too. I don’t mind it because the sex is hot.” Cormac’s smile turned devious. “Wish there were more romance shows like that on TV.”
Cruz rolled his eyes. “Off topic. We’re fixing Naese’s pathetic, melancholic life.”
“Oooh, that’s better usage,” Maxim said. He repeatedmelancholicto himself and nodded.
Cormac laid his hand on my shoulder. “You cannot dwell on the past, or it’ll eat you alive.”
Maxim picked up the thread. “If you love her and want a future, you show her that. You tell her that, any and every chance you get.” The words finished low, almost growly, which made him sound like he was threatening me, but that was Maxim: deep and murky, and one of the most thoughtful men I knew.
“Now what’s going on with you and Hana—that’s her name, right?” Cormac asked.
I looked around the group of us. Most of the guys were leaning in, clearly interested in this conversation. I didn’t understand why people believed men didn’t gossip or weren’t fascinated by each other’s love lives. I straightened my back and met their eyes. I wanted them to know I was fine with them hearing my business. I was ready.
“You talking to her every day?” Stol asked. He’d been in a difficult spot with Millie once, needing to gain her trust; he knew what he was talking about.
I nodded.
“And you’re showing her you care about her feelings and thoughts?” Maxim asked.
“I’m trying.”
“She needs to feel that you care about her,” Cruz stated.
“I do care about her. I still love her.”
“If anyone had told me we’d be talkingfeelingsbefore a game, I’d have laughed, then hit them, then laughed some more.” Cormac smiled. “But this is good—right, even.”
“I’ve been telling you that for years,” Cruz said.
“And I’m saying you’re right,” Cormac snapped.
And just like that, the easy, sharing moment passed as aggression washed through the locker room and carried over into the game.
In fact, Cormac’s aggressiveness rallied the team in a spectacularly dirty game that cost one of our second liners his eyetooth and left me with double black eyes after the Bruins’ D-Man caught me at the bridge of my nose with his stick. The defenseman was ejected before Maxim or Cruz could pound him into the ice, which saved him a lot of pain.
I wasn’t too worried about the slight cut and the swelling, though I was pulled from the game as a precaution in case of concussion. That left Stol working the offense with our old-timer who just wasn’t able to get off the line quickly enough to hit the mark and take the shot. Still, thanks to my two goals before I was pulled at the beginning of the third period, we managed a three-nil performance over Boston.
And after, I had a concerned voicemail from Hana, who must have been watching the game.
“Please send me a text or call me—something—so I know you’re okay,” she said in that soft voice. I could hear the tension in it, and wondered if she was pacing her studio apartment as she spoke.
I called her back as soon as the game ended, even before I hopped in the shower. I wasn’t doing any interviews tonight, thanks to my swollen eyes. Adam would drive me home, and Cormac would bring me to the facility tomorrow so the medical staff could check me out again. They might not clear me to play the next game. Everything depended on how quickly the swelling went down.
But before any of that, I had to reassure Hana.
“Pax! Are you okay?” she said in greeting. “Can you see? What happened?”
