“I am,” Paxton said. “Remind me never to piss you off.”
“You already did.” I sighed.
Paxton was silent for a long moment. I ignored Jeremy staring at the side of my face. “If I could go back?—”
“But you can’t,” I interrupted. For a woman who was taught to respect others’ opinions, I was on a roll today with asserting mine. I liked this empowered version of myself. I liked her very, very much.
“What can I do, Hana? How can I prove that I want a second chance with you—at us?”
I’d pondered little else this past week, even as I searched for a new position. “I’m not ready to give you that yet.”
Jeremy seemed to finally realize I was truly done with him, and he slunk off…for the moment. He’d probably be back with some even more nefarious plan that would make me want to rip out my hair. I had two more months on my lease, but it was time to pack up.
“I’m focusing on theyetin your sentence,” Paxton said. “That leaves the door open.”
I couldn’t help but smile. I’d missed him. “I did call with a request,” I said, the half-baked plan I’d played with a few times shifting itself into a full-fledged idea.
“What’s that?”
“I’d like to stay at your place—while you’re traveling—to meet with one of my former professors. He has connections at NASA. In fact, he took a position there as a team lead on the type of project I worked on here.”
“You always wanted to work for NASA,” Paxton said.
I did. It was my dream job, but because of my long hospitalization and difficult recovery—and pile of medical and student debt—I hadn’t been able to consider a government salary. Now it seemed I might not have a choice.
But Houston cost less to live in than the Bay Area. I might need a car to get to work, but I could drive something older, as long as it was reliable. I’d need to practice, too, because it had been a while since I’d been behind the wheel. I took a deep breath as I considered the traffic and honking and freeways…
Maybe I’d find someplace close to the facility and walk. Walking was good for my leg, as it helped strengthen the muscles that had atrophied during my months-long recovery.
Yes, even with a lower salary, the move might work.
“I still do want to work for NASA,” I told Paxton. “And I’m pretty sure I can get an interview.”
“So you want to stay with me while you’re in town?” he asked. The hope in his voice made me tense.
I hesitated, but it was important to be honest. “I figured I could stay at your house, maybe water your plants, while I had my interview. I’ll be sure to plan it while you’re out of town. That way, I won’t be in your way.”
“You wouldn’t be in my way. And I’d like to spend time with you.”
We were adults…friends, right? I could spend a night or two with Paxton, especially if the result was the career I truly wanted.
“What happens when you get the job?”
A smile bloomed across my lips at Paxton’s use ofwhennotif. I loved that he had that much confidence in me. I should find it in and for myself. “Then I’ll find a place to live.”
He was silent for a moment. “Just to be crystal clear, I want to ask you to move in with me and for you to let me love you, but I understand that I must rebuild what I broke.”
Such a Paxton response. He’d always been honest with me. Never pushy, but always honest about his preferences. I appreciated that, even when I couldn’t agree with his desires.
“I’m not ready to get back in a relationship with you,” I said. “I’m not—Paxton, this is a bit confusing for me. I mean, up until last week I was sure you’d turned into the world’s biggest selfish asshole.”
He hissed a breath. “Because I acted like it. Damn, that hurts.”
I could see his pained expression in my mind. I knew he was rubbing his fist over his heart. That I could have considered Paxton a selfish asshole showed how angry and bitter I’d become—with good reason. But I didn’t want to be mad any longer. In fact, I wanted to find my way back to a friendly relationship with Pax. I’d missed him in my life. But we had to move slowly. I needed to be smart about this.
That didn’t mean I planned to start something romantic with him again.
Yet.
