I loved her more than I ever could my mother, which is why I dug my phone from my pocket as I collapsed onto my long, plush sofa and called her.
“Ma, I got a problem,” I announced when she answered.
“You and seven other kids.Nice to hear from you, Luka.You played like shit last week.Is that what this is about?We talked about this.Cut faster—”
I stared up at the ceiling.“I played great this entire series.”
“Better, yeah.”
I hesitated.“I’m going to be a father.”
For the first time I could recall, Alyssa Romeo was speechless.I didn’t need to see her to know that in the silence, she inhaled from the cigarette that clung stubbornly to her lip and blew out a long exhale of smoke.Alyssa always had a cigarette, but rarely inhaled.It was an extension of her, like her cursing.
“You like this girl?”she asked.“I mean, really like her more than to—”
“Ma!”
“You screwed her, Luka.You should be able to talk about that.If not, maybe you aren’t as ready for the screwing as you’d like to think.”
I swallowed.Ma had a way of cutting through the bullshit.“I… Yeah, I like her.More than like her, really.”
“What’s her name?”
“Millie.”
“That’s a nice name.Old-fashioned and sweet.Isshe a sweet girl?I wanna meet her.See if she’s good enough for you.”
I grimaced as a new emotion emerged.Longing.I hadn’t felt that in…forever.I’d learned early that my parents didn’t give a shit, and I made sure I didn’t care enough about anything or anyone to be hurt by missing out.
“I’d like you to, but that’s part of the problem,” I said.
“She’s a hooker?”Alyssa grunted.“Well, you’re not the first—”
“No!Ma, she’s a chemical engineer.”
Alyssa hummed.I could see her in my mind’s eye: lips pursed, eyes narrowed, dark, graying hair teased up in that weird puff look many older women seemed to like.She was wearing a pair of skinny jeans that sagged off her slight frame and one of my sweaters or Mikey’s baseball jersey.
Her son, Mike, and I had gone on to two different big leagues.Alyssa wanted everyone to know how proud she was, so she always wore one of our jerseys.Old-fashioned sneakers with those tiny white socks with a ball on the back likely completed her outfit.
“Well, now, that job sounds fancy,” she said.“Tell me more about Millie, the sweet chemical engineer.”
So I did.I relaxed on the couch as I talked.“She’s so smart, Ma.And when she talks, her whole face lights up.Her eyes—she has these thick glasses she wears sometimes, and I couldn’t see them the first night.But when she wears her contacts, her eyes are likejade, Ma.They’re pretty.”
Alyssa chuckled.“Smart and pretty.Got it.How did you meet?”
I described how Millie and I met, then flirted via texts and phone calls for a couple of weeks before we spent the night together…and how she left without saying goodbye.
“Ah,” Alyssa said.
“What does that mean?”
She let out a dry rumble that turned into a long, vicious bout of coughing.I’d begged her to quit smoking, but she refused.I’d begged her to go to the doctor, but she asked why—she knew she had lung cancer, and there wasn’t anything they could do to stop it.
“Mike and I have the money to get you treatment—”
“S-st-stop.”
I shut my mouth because this, too, was an old argument.Instead, I waited for Alyssa to get her breathing back under control.
