“So not there, yet,” Dad chuckled.
Ice drenched my veins.
“One day, though. Right?” Bradley nudged my arm.
“Right,” I mumbled as that all too familiar burn in my gut began to ebb into something bigger. Something darker. “One day.”
I slumped in my chair as the conversation drifted to the work Bradley was doing for Addie. I didn’t hear any of it. The crater inside of me had opened wide, sucking me into the darkness that lurked within. I went numb. I went cold. I went empty.
The others at the table were loud and animated as they conversed. Bradley laughed when Scarlett told a story about a client, who got lost in the mansion she took them to last week. Dad gushed over Bradley’s fine work on the projects he’d been involved in. They talked and ate, but I couldn’t find the strength inside of me to pretend. That ability had been swallowed up by everything else I was feeling—or rather, everything Iwasn’tfeeling. My insides had hardened until all that remained was … nothing.
I scanned the faces of everyone at this table. I was surrounded by people and laughter, yet I’d never felt more alone. I could disappear right now, and it wouldn’t make a difference. The laughter would continue, and the conversation would go on. I was the perpetual dark cloud that loomed over their happy evening.
They’d be better off without me.
Chapter 31
Serenity
BEING NUMB WAS NEVER GOOD. When I reached this point, only bad things could happen. Yet there was no stopping the way it was slowly taking me over. I robotically got in the truck with Bradley, mindlessly agreed to go to Oakley’s with him and his friends, and blankly stared at the ceiling of the truck.
Bradley pulled into Oakley’s. “I know you’re upset, but this will be good for you. Getting out and having some fun, especially since you seemed down after dinner with your dad. We can talk about everything when we leave here, but let’s put a smile on while we’re here, okay? I won’t drink, Dollface. I won’t do anything you don’t want me to. I just want you to be happy. I’ll do better from now on.”
I didn’t wantbetter.
I wantedout.
“What if I don’t want to smile?” I asked with my gaze locked on the glowing sign above the doors.
“Why are you being so gloomy? It’s … It’s not easy to be around, and I’m tryingreallyhard to include you in this. I’m trying to raise your spirits. Stop being so depressing. Please. I love you and don’t like seeing you this way.”
I closed my eyes. My insides soured, and his words rang through my head like a violent screech.
You’re not easy to be around. I love you but only when you’re smiling and happy.
Swallowing down the few emotions that still lingered through the numbness, I got out of the truck and followed him inside. His friends were already there, laughing and throwing back shots, when they spotted us.
There had always been a dislike between us due to the years of their making fun of me, so every time I saw their eyes narrow with malicious glee, I assumed it was because their verbal punching bag had arrived. I saw that look through a different lense now. They looked between Bradley and I with thrill, becausehewas the ringleader of their mockery, andIwas the fool at his side.
“Look who made it,” John grinned at his best friend, opening his arms wide. “Our favorite couple.”
Bradley wrapped his arm around my shoulder and squeezed. “Glad we made it.”
I barely acknowledged the half-assed greetings sent my way as I took the seat at the end of the table. Bradley sat beside me, and on the other side of him was Cassidy.
“I got my hair done today,” Cassidy said to Bradley, turning toward him in her seat. She tossed her trimmed black hair over a shoulder and leaned against the table to make her obvious cleavage stand out more. “What do you think?”
“Hmm,” Bradley hummed and angled his body toward her. “Looks good.”
The exchange was yet another thing I was seeing in a new light. I revisited every moment when Bradley and Cassidy talked or thought back to times when they’d both disappear for a few minutes at the same time. I recalled the night I’d met Dante at this bar and how Bradley had been keen for me to leave his apartment while Cassidy had apparently left the bar sooner than the others.
I saw clearly now what I’d been blind to before, and it made me hang my head in embarrassment. At the very least, I was glad I’d found out about his cheatingnowinstead of back then. My heart didn’t belong to him anymore, so the revelation hurt but didn’tdestroyme like it would’ve if I’d still loved him while entrusting my future to him.
Instead, the news made me sad for the girl who used to believe that this man really loved and valued her. It made me ache for the girl who got laughed at behind her back.
“Earth to Serenity,” Bradley grumbled under his breath in my ear.
I looked up from the glass of water I’d been staring into to meet his furrowed gaze. “What?”
