“I’d giveanythingto be where you are. You can run to her. You can find her and fix this. You can still get the ending you both deserve. Don’t … Don’t let her go like this. Trust me. You’ll regret it.” Xander squeezed his hands before turning to face me, gripping my shoulder. “She needs her night sky, man. She needs you.”
He made it sound so easy, but there was no way it could be after what I did.
“I’ve already driven her away,” I argued. “I’ve already messed up so badly. What if it’s too late and she hates me now?”
“There’s only one way to find out,” Perseus smiled encouragingly.
“Go after her,” Zagan said, nudging my arm with his. “Tell her you’re sorry.Grovel. Because as much as she needs her night sky, I think you need your star just as much.”
I looked between all of my brothers and really let their support and encouragement settle over me. They were right. I fuckingmissedSerenity. I wanted to be with her. I didn’t want her to be a temporary thing in my life but, rather, a constant. I’d messed up greatly, but I could fix things. I could get on my knees and beg if that was what it took to get her back.
My gaze landed on Tom whose little black eyes stared right into mine. He dipped his head slightly like he agreed with my plan. I smiled and nodded back.
I refused to lose the best thing that had ever happened to me.
I refused to lose her.
Chapter 28
Serenity
I HUGGED MY ARMS AROUND Gilbert, my stuffed capybara, trying to find comfort in his soft squish. Iyla, Addie, and Harper sat on my bed with me, and even though we had a movie going, none of us paid a bit of attention to it. Even with the dissolution of my relationship with Dante, these girls had continued to be here. I was so used to people being in my life by extension of someone else or being there conditionally, so I was shocked to find these girls still wanted to reach out. They didn’t stay because of Dante. They stayed because ofme.
At least, that was what I told myself. I was too afraid to believe much of anything anymore.
“I still want to take my stupid chopstick and just—” Addie swung one of her chopsticks through the air like a knife “—right in his freaking eye.”
Iyla used her own chopstick to lower the one Addie wielded. “Down girl.”
Harper sighed and frowned sympathetically at me. “Have you been doing okay?”
I shrugged and poked around at my sushi. The fact that I’d been cooped up in my apartment in the dark instead of doing my normal Saturday routine of coffee, books, and the zoo should’ve been alarming. Yet I pretended it was no big deal. I’d barely managed to fake a few nibbles of my food, and the trio keptlooking between me and the raw fish, no doubt noticing my lack of eating. “I’m fine.”
Liar.
I forced my smiling mask into place. “I’ll get over it.”
Lies.
“He and I weren’t that close anyway,” I quipped, squeezing Gilbert just a little tighter. “I shouldn’t be complaining about it. I mean, sure, it’s sad to lose someone you care about or to hear those kinds of things being said about you. But other people have it worse. I’m fine.”
Stuff it down, stuff it down, stuff it down. Your problems are bothersome. You’re only going to make them want nothing to do with you, just like Dante.
Iyla reached out to place her hand on my arm and gave it a soft squeeze. “It’s okay to talk to us. If you want to.”
“And sure,” Harper added, “someone might have it hard out there. But that doesn’t diminish what you’re feeling. Trust me. Holding it in because you’re afraid of how others will perceive your pain isn’t good for you. I’ve—I’ve been through some shit, and let me say that pretending you’re fine when you’re not doesn’t help. It just makes it worse.”
I heard Harper, but I couldn’t bring myself to believe her. She hadn’t gone into detail about what happened to her, but I knew enough from what little she’d managed to open up about. Her attack had been months ago, but every day was still a work in healing. How could I possibly talk about any issue I was having when she was having her own on a much greater level?
I shook my head and made my smile bigger. “I’m fine. I promise. Boys—Boys suck.”
I feigned a small laugh to add lightheartedness that I didn’t feel into my words. The three girls smirked and nodded along, but I could see the doubt in their eyes as they watched me. Evenwith my mask on, they gleaned the truth behind it. So I changed the subject.
“My ex-boyfriend is trying to weasel his way back into my life now that Dante is gone,” I revealed, picking at my sushi again. “Like, does he not understand that I have no interest in starting a relationship with him again?”
“Ugh,” Addie grumbled with an exaggerated roll of her blue eyes. “Please don’t. No offense, but Bradley has always given me the ick.”
Harper’s nose wrinkled. “That’s your ex’s name?” She looked at me and held up a finger. “I’ve only met one Bradley before, and I’ve since sworn off all future Bradleys because of it. The guy was a douche. He came to one of my house parties, and he was practically chomping at the bit to sleep with me. Meanwhile, the dick had a girlfriend he’d conveniently forgotten to mention untilafterI kicked him out of my room for being terrible at dirty talking and even worse in bed.”
