It was as if he were still dreaming, unable to comprehend the reality evolving around him.
“We have to go, Bash,” Oscar called.
So we did.
I stepped in and held out my hand to the boy, trying to soften my voice.
“We are breaking out of the prison. I can’t promise you a good life, but I can promise one better than this hellhole,” I said.
Billy used to say that there was a single moment that crowded all the rest in his mind. That even when he was old and gray and couldn’t remember his own name that he would remember that moment in perfect color and detail. The fact that his last words were that he was glad he gave me that piece of bread made me wonder if that wasn’t true after all.
As the boy pressed his tiny, frail hand into mine without a moment of hesitation, I knew what Billy meant. As we left Newgate prison amidst sleeping guards and the quiet drip of damp water, I knew that I was now responsible for this child who put his faith in me. Even if it was a terrible decision, I would see it through.
Chapter thirteen
Aftermath
Rose
The sea forgives the desperate, but never the aftermath. The deed is a flash of violence; the regret is a lifelong drowning.
— A Sailor’s Guide to Dying Poorly
My family home appeared smaller than I remembered. It was still long and overflowing with perfectly symmetrical windows that boasted white and purple wisteria that hugged the brick walls. The gate was still made of sturdy iron that stretched across our property. Perfectly manicured lawns and bushes trimmed with expert precision. The smell was still the same — florals mixed with the wet London air.
If it were all the same, then it could only stand to reason that I was what had changed.
The beat of my heart no longer timed itself with the wind that danced around, carrying the threat of rain beneath gray skies. I never gave much thought to what it would be like when I finally made it home. Maybe it was because I thought I would die out on the Mysterious Sea, or maybe that was the reason my feet were solidified to the ground beneath me. I was half surprised that wisteria hadn’t taken root around me.
A carriage rumbled behind me, wheels over uneven stone. The clip clopping of the horse’s hooves is loud in my ears. No seagulls or wave lullabies to drift off to. An uneasiness settled in my stomach. Movement outside the east window, drawing room, drew my attention, and my mother’s thin silhouette came into view.
She fussed with some flowers on a shelf, all the while speaking to whoever was with her. She was thinner than when I left her. No doubt worry is taking its toll on her. A pang of guilt clung to my chest that increased with every rapid beat of my heart. All I had to do was open the gate and step forward. It was simple movements that would alleviate her worry.
If I entered the pristine white door trimmed with black, would my mother be able to see the blood on my hands? Would she see what a year had done to me? Yes, my hair was shorter, and I was more muscular now, but those were only surface changes. Part of me feared that when I walked through that door, she wouldn’t recognize me.
I stared down at the simple blue gown I’d put on a year ago when I escaped into the night. It was tight over my chest and stomach, but clean and just as it had been that night. Running a hand over my neck, I fiddled with the star necklace I always wore. It was mid-afternoon on a Friday. Everyone would be home, even Oliver.
Indecision is still a decision.
Bash’s voice was out of place here. It belonged with the sea, with the wide open blue surrounding us.
Through the terror clogging my throat and the erratic race of my heart, I pushed open the gate and took the first steps forward.
Forcing air into my lungs, I kept my balance and made it to the front door and stilled.
Should I knock on my own front door? Did I need to be announced? If there were a protocol for runaway daughters, I didn’t know it. God, it was hard to breathe.
I lifted the golden door knocker and lowered it once, then twice.
This was silly. I should have waited on the ship for Oscar. Inu was instructed to take them to a safe house for the night before traveling to Corpse Cove this afternoon. Oscar was supposed to make his way home tonight. It would have made more sense for me to wait for him, but then I would’ve seen Bash. That was a fate I couldn’t endure.
To have him and leave him again- no, this was better.
The door swung open to reveal a gray-haired woman with keen brown eyes. Loretta.
Her mouth fell open as she brought her hand to her mouth. Eyes welling up.
“Miss Rose?” she asked.
