Not anymore.
…
I’m way too humiliated to stay home after that.
I get dressed on autopilot, grab just my keys, and walk out without saying goodbye.
They don’t deserve a goodbye. Not him for hitting me, not my mom for standing there and doing absolutely nothing.
I end up in front of this old building I remember from when I was a kid, the one with the crazy view from the rooftop.
There’s a big red "DO NOT ENTER" sign on the door.
I ignore it.
No one ever checked before. No one stopped me then. I push my way up the stairs, and I finally reach the top. I stand there for a minute, staring like an idiot at all these tiny lights.
Then I walk over to the edge, sit down, and let my legs dangle over the side.
I’m genuinely sad. Not angry. Not at Noah, not at Gio, not at anyone. Just sad.
Because I knew. That’s the thing that hurts the most. I knew exactly how this could go wrong. I knew what my dad was capable of. I knew what would happen if something slipped. I knew the risk. And I still didn’t stop. I still kissed him.
I pull my knees up, hug them loosely. Why did it feel worse than I expected? Why did it feel like I couldn’t fix it?
I pull out my phone.
One new message.
CARLA:
-OMG.
-Did you actually kiss Gio??
For a second, I smile. I think she’s impressed. Excited. Like she sees me.
ME:
-Yeah. Are you jealous?
CARLA:
-ARE YOU INSANE???
My smile vanishes.
CARLA:
-What the hell were you thinking?!
-He’s Gio.
-Like, actual disaster Gio. Remember?!
-You’re not like him. He’s a joke.
I stare at the screen. Of course she says that. Honestly, that’s on me. Shame on me for even thinking that someone might actually be on my side.
