We stay like that for a while, me kneeling on the floor with my hands wrapped around her backside and my cheek against her knee as her fingers drag through my hair. Pure bliss.
And if this was ever all she offered me, I might be satisfied.
“I made plans for us for Thanksgiving. Erik is going to host,” she tells me eventually, and I bite back a smile. If she’s making plans forus, that’s got to be a good thing. “Since you’re playing on Thursday, we’ll eat on Friday. Most of my family will be there. I thought it would be nice for you and Paisley to come.”
She doesn’t need to spell it out. We’re orphans now. My sister and I don’t have anywhere to go for the holidays, and I appreciate Nadine taking the reins on this since I’d been avoiding it. Figuring I’d order food from somewhere for Paisley, if she wanted.
The shine has all but faded on the idea of holidays. What isthe point of celebrating anything if our parents aren’t here for them?
I lift my head and slowly reach my hand between us so she has time to stop me if she wants. She doesn’t, so I curl it around her neck, guiding her toward me for a kiss that she barely returns. A mere graze of her lips against mine.
“Take all the time you need.” I tuck loose strands of her hair behind her ears. “I won’t push because I want you to be sure I’m not the guy I used to be. I’m different, and I want to be different for you.”
She nods, and I press one last kiss to her forehead before standing and stepping away from her, leaving her with one last warning. “But as soon as you give me the word, I’ll be all in. There is no one else for me. You’re my endgame.”
Then I turn and give her the time she’s asked for.
But the Thanksgiving game was a disaster from the start. We were down by two touchdowns at halftime, and I couldn’t seem to focus on anything except the fact that Nadine still hadn’t given me an answer. It’s been almost a week since our talk, and I’ve been on my best behavior, giving her the space she asked for. But as each day passed without a word from her, my frustration grew.
To make matters worse, I realized halfway through the third quarter that the bracelet Paisley had made me was missing from my wrist. I cursed under my breath, scanning the sidelines for any sign of it. It was a small thing, a simple braided string, but it meant the world to me. A reminder of the bond I shared with my sister and the new life we were building together.
It was gone. Like our chances of winning this game. We fought hard in the fourth quarter, but it wasn’t enough. The final score was 24-17, a crushing defeat by Chicago on our home turf.
I stalk off the field, ignoring the reporters clamoring for a quote. All I want is to go home, take a hot shower, and forget this day ever happened. Yet when I arrive at the penthouse, I find a surprise waiting for me on the kitchen counter.
There, next to the Founders cookie jar that had appeared a few weeks ago for Paisley’s favorite double stuffed Oreos, is my missing bracelet and an accompanying note in Nadine’s handwriting.Found this. Thought you might want it back.
But she’s nowhere in sight. I’ve become used to her waiting up for me, and disappointment washes over me even as I tie the bracelet back on my wrist. I snag a sports drink from the fridge and gulp it down, staring at my reflection in the glass doors directly across from me as I contemplate checking in on her. It’s after midnight, and while today is just another day for me, other people like to think about what they’re grateful for.
I wonder what River’s grateful for. If she thanks God every night for me, like I do her. That she was made exactly, perfectly, the way she is. Whip-smart brain, even smarter mouth, and a gentle, loving heart. One that is big enough to care for a former bad-boy athlete and his little sister.
After tossing the empty bottle in the recycling bin, I head over to Rocky and Balboa to offer them their nightly pets then force myself to my room.
I cannot go back on my word.
I told her to take all the time she needs. Even if it kills me.
Even if I only want to go into her room to tuck her in and kiss her head.
I have to prove that she can trust me. She can believe me when I make a promise. When I eventually tell her that I love her.
CHAPTER 23
NADINE
Erik and Molly’shousehold is pure chaos. Laughter and music and so many people they put out folding chairs for more seats. The scents of roasted turkey, garlic mashed potatoes, and my father’s famous empanadillas and coquito float from the kitchen. Molly isn’t much of a cook, nor was anyone interested in standing in front of the stove for hours on end to feed over a dozen people, so she had our meal catered, but Dad couldn’tnotbring the food and drink he’d grown up on to show off to the newbies. He hands out the little turnovers and passes around glasses of what is essentially Puerto Rican eggnog, waiting patiently for their review. Most everyone usually enjoys them, but for those who don’t, they tend to pretend to keep him happy.
Between the Riveras—our parents and all five of us kids congregating together, as well as Felix’s girlfriend—Molly’s family—including her parents and brother—and Camden and Paisley, it’s a nice time. We eat and laugh and eat some more.
I watch Paisley have fun, loving that she can easily communicate with everyone because they all know ASL, and my mom takes an immediate liking to her. No one will ever be able to replace her parents, but Paisley stays by my mom’s side most of the day.
At some point, my gaze drifts across the room to where Camden stands, cradling Kai with an unexpected tenderness. The sight of this giant man, cooing at my nephew, nearly brings me to my knees, and I think back to last week when he crawled to me, literally on his knees, all but begging me to give him a chance. Give us a chance.
As promised, he has not pushed me about our conversation. He’s given me space to process my feelings and think about what I want. We have both gone through enormous changes this year, and I’m not someone who is able to make decisions on a whim.
I have to think and overthink. Make sure I’ve considered every angle and have processed every possible outcome. It’s not the best way to cope with anxiety, but it’s simply what I need to do to feel comfortable.
And watching him with Kai cements what I know to be true—he is who I want. He may not be perfect and has done things that I don’t agree with, but he’s changed. He said he wants to be better for me, and I believe him.
