The lump in her throat had grown to golf ball proportions. “You really don’t think I’m coming back, do you?” she asked, squeezing the words around it.
“I don’tknowif you’re coming back, and I’m not sure you do, either.” He hesitated, and then asked heavily, “Do you?”
And Lucy couldn’t answer, because she knew he was right.
She ended the call without saying much more beyond a few trivialities, and asking Alex to say hello to Poppy and Bella for her. As she slid her phone back in her pocket, she fought a sense of unreality. Had their relationship ended, just like that? But then, it had never had a chance to begin.
Her mother was starting to stir as Lucy walked back into the room. Fiona’s eyes fluttered open; she blinked several times. “My mouth is as dry as a bone. My lips are sticking to my teeth.”
Lucy poured water from the jug on the bedside table. “I think that’s from the anesthetic. Here.” She handed her mother the glass of water, guiding the rim to her lips. Her mother took a few sips, and then sank back against the pillows.
“I’m sorry, Lucy. For everything.”
“We don’t need to talk about that now,” Lucy said. “Although we need to at some point. Especially for Juliet.”
“I know.”
“Well, then.” She replaced the glass of water on the table. “For now let’s just think about your recovery.”
And what about her recovery? Lucy wondered several hours later as she drove back to her mother’s apartment in the Back Bay. She was in Boston with no job, no apartment, no life.
Her life was back in Hartley-by-the-Sea.
At least it had been, although Lucy didn’t know where it was now. She’d been back for only twenty-four hours and she already felt as if all the friendships she’d made in England were slipping away from her. Alex had backed off quickly enough. If she returned in a few months, would she feel as if she was starting over yet again? Would everyone wonder why she’d returned? She didn’t have a job; she’d been there for only three months. Now that she was onhiatuswith Alex, returning seemed less likely than ever.
She pulled into the parking lot by her mother’s luxury condo and turned off the engine. The wind off the bay could be unforgivingly cold, colder even than the wind off the Irish Sea back in Cumbria.
Although maybe she’d gotten used to Hartley-by-the-Sea; she’d learned to love the little village and its motley residents, the sweep of wind and even the endless rain. She thought of allthe things she’d miss: the Lifeboat Carol Service she and Juliet had been planning to attend; Father Christmas’s appearance outside the Hangman’s Noose, which she’d wanted to see with Poppy and Bella. Her little chats with Dan Trenton at the post office shop and the children like Eva and Oliver who smiled at her in the school yard; the chance to exhibit her paintings at the beach café; pub quizzes and her friendship with Rachel and Abby; all her art lessons . . .
How could she have justleft? She’d walked away from everything that was important to her: not just Alex but Poppy and Bella too, Juliet, the friends she’d made at school . . .everything.
Juliet had been right to be angry. Lucy had come running the minute her mother had called her, not only because she’d wanted Fiona to need her, but because she’d been afraid to believe in the life she’d been building in Hartley-by-the-Sea.
Because it was easier to run away than to stay and try, and risk failure. Risk hurt.
But she needed to take some risks. She needed to stay for once, to say the things she really felt, even if it meant Alex would tell her no, just as Thomas had done.
Resolutely Lucy dug out her cell phone. Alex wasn’t Thomas. And she’d changed. She was stronger now, more confident, more secure in herself. She’d call and she’d beg, damn it.
She called Alex’s home phone, but it went to the answering machine. He was probably putting Poppy to bed. Still, she didn’t want to let the moment pass. She might not be this brave again, and so she left a message.
“Alex, it’s Lucy. Look, I haven’t rehearsed what I’m going to say. I just was sitting here in my car realizing how much I don’t want to be here. I know I left so suddenly and made it seem like I might not come back, but the truth is my home is there, not here.” Her words came faster, too fast. He’d never make outwhat she was saying, but she’d still try. She’d say it, because that’s what she should have done in the first place.
“I don’t want to be on a hiatus. I want to be with you, and with Poppy and Bella. I miss all of you. I miss Hartley-by-the-Sea. I even miss the awful weather.” She let out a tremulous laugh. “Do you know I thought you’d have sensible shoes and a nasal drip? That was before I met you, of course. Before I saw how gorgeous and sexy you are—okay.” She took a deep breath, a realization of all she’d said filtering through her. “Call me,” she finished abruptly, and disconnected the call.
Had she really gushed all those feelings into avoice mail?He’d have them on record forever. She pictured that voice mail going viral just like her mother’s editorial had, and shuddered. Not, she knew, that Alex would ever post the recording online.
Still she winced at some of the things she’d said, and positively cringed at the vulnerability she’d shown. Would she take any of it back?
Maybe the bit about the nasal drip. But no matter what happened now, she knew she was still glad she’d told him the truth. And yet sitting there in her car, the night dark all around her, she also knew there was someone else she both wanted and needed to see again, maybe even more than Alex.
Juliet.
Chapter twenty-eight
Juliet
Lucy had been gone for only three days and Juliet felt the ache of her absence like a sore tooth, a constant, niggling irritation. She’d turn to say something, and Lucy wasn’t there. At night she flicked on the horrid reality TV Lucy had made her watch, and could only stomach a few seconds of it. It had been different when Lucy had been there, offering the running commentary on all the contestants, making Juliet laugh. She even missed the tea bags left in the sink, and the shoes in the hall. Her house was tooneat.
