He grabbed a book and went to join her. He could not overthink it, or else he would convince himself not to go, and he really wanted to.
“You would not mind company, I hope?” he asked, his tall frame casting a shadow over her.
Adelaide looked up at him with a small smile. “Not at all. Did you have something you wanted to discuss?”
“No, no, I simply wanted to sit with you for a while.”
She almost looked as though she did not believe him, but she scooted back to make space for him.
The sun felt warm on his skin, though he was aware that he had to be careful not to expose his scar. It would hurt dreadfully if it burned, and there would be no hiding it.
They remained silent for a while, and Cassian found that the darker thoughts did not come. He was able to read and otherwise exist without being reminded of every terrible thing he had ever done.
For the first time in a long while, his mind was quiet.
“Was your friend here?” she asked after a while. “I saw a carriage.”
“Yes. My apologies, I should have told you beforehand.”
“Only because I would have liked to see him. He is a good man, I can tell.”
“He truly is. He will make a lady very happy one day, though I do not believe he will ever decide that is what he wants.”
Adelaide laughed softly, closing her book. “My mama tells me that some gentlemen never do. But then, as they get older, they start having regrets. I hope that, if he makes that decision, he does not regret it.”
“What about the men who do marry and then regret it?”
“Men never regret marriage, not truly.”
He raised an eyebrow, for he had rarely heard such confidence in her tone. “Are you certain of that? Is that to say you are positive that I have no regrets?”
“Of course, or at least I should think so. You gentlemen find young ladies that you think are pretty and quiet and intelligent, but not too much of any of those things, and then you marry them. For the rest of your lives, they will always follow you, and only question your actions when it is the right thing to do.”
“And what of ladies? Do they ever have regrets?”
“That depends entirely on what the gentlemen offer.”
“And what would a lady want?”
But Cassian knew. A lady needed safety and wealth, not to mention status. That was all they wanted, unless they were of the more foolish sort and thought that love was more important than anything. It was not something that high society could have, as it was a rarity, and those who had it made certain that everyone knew about it.
“Well,” she replied, “you offer me a life of luxury. I shall never have to worry about anything again, as far as you are concerned, which means that I can spend my time acting as I see fit. Why would I regret that?”
He was surprised by her response, even though it made sense. When he thought of himself, it was hardly ever in a positive light, and he knew that he could have been a better husband to her. The thought of her seeing something else did not make sense to him.
“I suppose, when you put it that way…”
“Cassian,” she said in a firm but gentle tone, “I am happy here. Yes, some things could be better, but I know that you are doing what you can to be good to me. I am grateful for that.”
Somehow, her telling him that she was happy, even though he could do more, hurt more than it would have if she said she was unhappy. It was unfair that she could see the good in everything when, in truth, she had the right to be angry with him.
Then again, she had agreed to his terms from the beginning. She knew what he wanted, and she married him regardless. He was the better option, so she did what she had to do, and she was finding the good in it.
He saw the good in their marriage too, even though he knew he could give her more.
“Do you have anything planned before my friends arrive?” she asked.
“I do not, unless we are suddenly invited to another event. It is my hope that we might spend some time together, as I feel as though we have not had a moment alone.”
