Once the housekeeper had gone, Grace tried to gather her senses. Exhausted and confused, she tried to be brave and confront Rawden. She squeezed her eyes shut, took a deep breath and prepared to do battle. ‘Rawden, what did Mrs. Percy mean when she said, ‘cut off for days?’
He stared intently at her, his face as gloomy as the dusk falling over the churning water outside. ‘The sea can be very rough, and some days it is not possible to make the crossing over the causeway as the waves crash over it and can sweep the unsuspecting into the waters. Take this warning, Grace. The currents sweeping about this island are treacherous to the unwary. Do not attempt the folly of trying to run from Marshgrave or from me.’
‘You would just drag me back.’
‘I would, yes.’
‘Why bother, Rawden? You do not want to be married.’
‘Nevertheless, I am, and I will do right by you. I think it is high time we got to know each other.’
‘I thought we already did that, as much as either of us wanted to?’ said Grace.
His jaw worked. ‘Sharing a bed is not the same as knowing each other.’ He took her arm and steered her to a chair before the fire. His touch was like a burn, lingering after he had removed his hand. Rawden grabbed another chair and dragged it across to sit before her. The sound it made seared her nerves, which were at breaking point.
‘So, tell me why you ran,’ he said.
‘I thought I had made a terrible mistake after that woman came to see me. Rawden, on our wedding night, you let me think you might care for me after we shared a bed, and then the humiliation was too great. In truth, I do not know why I did it.’
‘No, it was not a well-planned escape by any means. What were you planning to do for the long term?’
‘I had no idea. I just wanted to get away. It was a childish tantrum, which I regret.’
‘Indeed, it was. You need to learn to stay and fight your battles, not run from them. But all in good time. You are young and impulsive.’ His face grew dark. ‘But you should not have gone to Harriet’s.’
‘She is my friend.’
‘Again, I say she is not, and there is another reason you shall never go there again. Caville Sharp frequents that household.’ His face reddened. ‘Tell me. Do you favour him over me?’
‘No. And do you favour Romola Bianchi over me?’
‘Absolutely not,’ he said with a grimace. ‘She meant something once, but that was before I really knew her grasping character.’ He took her hand and smiled down at it. ‘Do I sense jealousy, Grace? It does not make you a fool to own to it.’
‘I have no right to be jealous. You married for duty, and I, out of desperation. Who am I to demand trust, loyalty or affection?’ I should not be so naïve.’
Rawden stroked the back of her hand with the pad of his thumb, over and over, setting her face alight. ‘Duty and desperation make poor bedfellows, it seems, although when it comes to bed, I have no complaints on that score.’ Rawden gave a little smile, but again, those dark eyes came searching for signs of weakness, an admission that she had liked his touch, his kiss. Did his manly pride demand it? Well, she would not give it to him so he could triumph over her.
He took a deep breath. ‘Here is the rub, Grace. We need to be honest with each other if we are to survive a lifetime together. I know you do not like my character, and I would not have you tolerate my attentions. I would not force myself on you in that way. I could not bear to. See, I am not that much of a blackguard, whatever else you may think me.’
Grace stared into his bleak, dark eyes. They seemed to be pleading with her, and so she relented. She let her hand stay within his, unable to break from his touch. ‘You did not force me, Rawden. What I did on my wedding night and after was of my own free will, though I suppose I thought it was expected of me – a wife’s duty. Would that I was stronger and not so easily led by you and your rakish ways.’
‘Duty brought me to marry you, but, for my part, it had nothing to do with what happened on our wedding night. And I suppose, if we are being honest, there is a part of me that married you for a less lofty reason than duty.’
‘And what was that – pity?’
‘No. I wanted you. I burned for you after our first meeting in that garden and ever since. That is why I stole a kiss. It is why I dearly long to steal one now.’
He leaned in, and their lips almost touched. The clatter of Mrs. Percy entering with the tea tray had them springing apart.
‘Here we are. This will warm you both,’ she said, setting the tray down with a big grin. She clearly thought they were two honeymooners who could not keep their hands off each other. ‘It is so good to have you home, Lord Voss.’
Grace sprang to her feet once the housekeeper had gone. She was in danger of succumbing to Rawden again. It would not do. Repelling him would have been much easier if he had been angry and shouting, but he was kind and patient, and she longed to throw herself into his arms for comfort.
‘I am tired. I would like to lie down,’ she said.
‘With or without me?’ said Rawden, and, for a moment, she imagined the warmth of his skin on hers, his sensual mouth claiming her own and making her feel desired, beautiful, worthy, his hands coaxing her to pleasure and abandon. When he had her, it felt like freedom, but it was an illusion. And hope was the cruellest torment of all.
‘I want to be alone, Rawden.’
