“Hey,” Quinn repeated.
“Come in,” Autumn offered, stepping to the side of the door. Quinn did as she was told.
Autumn pointed to the couch and once again Quinn did as directed. Autumn sat a cushion away from Quinn. She hated how much her body longed to be closer to Quinn. It was as if Quinn was a giant magnet slowly drawing her closer.
“We should talk about the other night,” Autumn started.
“I agree. Just tell me what you need.”
“I think I’m just confused. This whole time you’ve been talking about how you were frustrated because you didn’t want to see Rory or spend time with her. You just wanted your necklace back, that was it.”
“That was it,” Quinn stated, there was emotion lacing her words.
“It didn’t seem like that was it when I walked in and saw the two of you dancing,” Autumn fired back.
“It was a goodbye dance,” Quinn offered, her tone quieting again.
“Quinn, goodbye dances are not a thing.”
“Ugh, Rory and I met out dancing one night. Our relationship started with a dance, she wanted to end it with a dance too.”
“Your relationship ended when Rory cheated on you and bought a house with another woman,” Autumn half-shouted.
“It was just a nicer way of ending things. A kind of closure.”
Autumn had never been terribly sentimental. The idea of a gesture such as a goodbye dance was hard for her to wrap her mind around.
“I don’t understand that. I don’t understand why you would get that close to her when you’re dating me. Did you even think about me? Did you even think about us?” Autumn’s voice cracked as tears stung her eyes. All the emotions she had held inside spilled out.
She felt Quinn wrap her arms around her. Quinn held her so tightly that Autumn was sure Quinn would be able to hear the sound of her heart breaking. Quinn’s hand rubbed her back as she held her close. Quinn embraced her for a few minutes without saying a word.
“You’re right, I didn’t take enough time to consider you or our relationship. I was so busy trying to appease Rory and get my necklace back that it didn’t occur to me how hurt you’d be seeing me dance with her, or watching her be that close to me. I gave her access that I should never have given her. All I can say is I’m sorry. I promise that there wasn’t anything else that went into it. I didn’t even feel attracted to her anymore. The entire thing felt awkward and forced and sad. You are so important to me and you should be someone that I’m considerate of. I fucked up and I’m so sorry. I hope you can forgive me.”
Autumn felt a new set of tears landing on her shoulder. She knew that Quinn was crying now. Autumn took a moment to consider Quinn’s words. There was a genuineness to Quinn’s words that threatened to melt Autumn’s heart if she would just let them. Autumn didn’t melt for people, she never had. Her parents had spent her early life instilling in her the need to show up as the best possible version of herself. Rain or shine. Good times and bad times, Autumn had been expected to be impeccable. The good times were an opportunity to show grace and the bad times were to show humility. She’d never been allowed to show imperfection, much less admit to it.
Yet, here Quinn was, admitting exactly that. She was owning up to her mistakes. Quinn offered no excuses to Autumn. She knew that she had hurt Autumn and she was simply sorry for that. Autumn wasn’t sure what to do with the moment, she didn’t know what it meant. But Autumn could feel her heart expanding even as another one of her walls crumbled. Because if she could allow Quinn to be imperfect, then maybe she could let herself have those moments as well.
“I forgive you,” Autumn whispered into the quiet moment. Quinn squeezed her even tighter, and Autumn let herself enjoy the feeling of being held. There could be beauty in something that wasn’t inherently perfect. Autumn sat within the moment allowing herself to exist inside it. Allowing herself to feel everything that Quinn brought up for her.
“I love you so much, and that opens me up to being hurt. I’m not used to that, but I feel safe with you so I’m willingto trust the thing between us. Please be careful with me.” The words were more vulnerable than anything that had ever come out of her mouth before. Vulnerability wasn’t something she’d practiced much over her life.
Quinn brought her lips to Autumn’s ear.
“I promise you will always be safe with me. I love you, too,” Quinn whispered.
It was exactly everything that Quinn needed to hear. She felt her whole body relax into Quinn’s arms. They loved each other and they would take care of one another. Autumn didn’t have to do everything alone, she knew Quinn would always show up for her. Peace replaced fear and love covered over her worry from moments before. Autumn was ready to move into the future with Quinn.
They spent a couple of hours simply cuddled together on the couch. As if they were each afraid to let the other go. Autumn’s phone buzzed on the coffee table and she finally broke away so she could check her messages. When she saw that the message was from her Mom Autumn instinctively sat up a little straigter. Quinn noted the obvious shift, and her brown eyes took on a slight hint of concern.
“Is everything okay?” Quinn asked.
“Everything is fine. My parents want to come for a visit,” Autumn tried and failed to smile genuinely.
“That’s great. I’d love to meet your parents,” Quinn smiled warmly.
“You are so cute. But my parents would eat you alive,” Autumn insisted.
“Parents love me. But even if they are cannibals I’d love to meet them,” Quinn chuckled. Autumn rolled her eyes and laughed.
